Trauma bondingIt is the process of nurturing social connection. Bonding typically refers to the process of attachment that develops between romantic or platonic partners, close friends, or parents and children. This bond is characterised by emotions such as affection and trust. Any two people who spend time together may form a bond.https://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Human_bonding
A "trauma bond" is an attachment formed between two people who unconsciously bond to each other based on shared trauma. Traumatic bonds are typically established in abusive childhoods and are learned as a product of intermittent positive and negative reinforcement.
This is the premise of trauma bonding. Some theories suggest this is our subconscious mind trying to resolve old wounds. Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you.
Trauma bonding is the formation of an unhealthy bond between a person living with abuse and their abuser. Trauma bonds are not just found in romantic relationships. They can happen between family members, friends, and even coworkers. This bond is forged through affection alternating with abuse.
Known to sociologists as “social glue,” trauma behaves like a binding agent in social settings, forging connections between survivors known as trauma bonds.
And the fact is, a trauma bond will not transform into a healthy relationship, no matter how much the person being abused hopes so or tries to fix it. “It's often mistaken for love,” Wilform says. “But love doesn't consist of you having to be in a cycle of being mentally diminished or physically hurt.”
In sum, dating a trauma survivor is a challenge, because we are easily triggered. Two (or more) trauma survivors dating one another can become a trigger-fest. Yet there are advantages to being two (or more) survivors in love. You can understand and empathize with each other's struggles more than a non-survivor could.
Trauma bonds can linger, even when the abuse happened long ago. You might struggle to stop thinking about someone who hurt you and feel the urge to reach out or try again. Here's a test that might help, though it's not at all conclusive: Ask yourself whether you'd encourage a loved one to leave a similar relationship.
What's key to understand about a trauma bonding relationship is that it can't be healthy because it is not equal. “Oftentimes when folks are trauma bonding, it may look and feel safe for some,” says Eborn. “But there is a lot of inconsistency within the relationship, and it can be extremely dysfunctional.
While the trauma itself doesn't serve as a catalyst for developing a kink (which is a popular misconception), it can be alleviated through play. “For example, a sexual assault survivor might initially feel afraid, weak, and powerless during their actual sexual assault,” Hughes writes in Psychology Today.
Trauma bonding occurs when a person experiencing abuse develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. They may rationalize or defend the abusive actions, feel a sense of loyalty, isolate from others, and hope that the abuser's behavior will change.
Trauma dumping refers to sharing a traumatic story without thinking about how it will affect the listener, or oversharing in an inappropriate context.
Do Narcissists Also Feel the Trauma Bond? Abusive narcissists likely do feel the bond too, but differently. It's so confusing for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist who's abusive to understand why they continue to hurt them, even when they say they love them.
The cycle of being devalued and then rewarded over and over, works overtime to create a strong chemical and hormonal bond between a victim and his or her abuser. This is why victims of abuse often describe feeling more deeply bonded to their abuser than they do to people who actually consistently treat them well.
Due to the toxic nature of a trauma bonded relationship, individuals suffering abuse will find it difficult to leave the relationship. Loved ones may have difficulty understanding why the person experiencing abuse does not just end the relationship. However, breaking free of a trauma bond often takes time and support.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
Educate each other and share. Trauma impacts everyone a bit differently, which means no two people with PTSD experience the same triggers or symptoms. For this reason, it's important for romantic partners who have experienced trauma to educate each other and share how their past impacts them.
An anniversary reaction can occur because the date of the original trauma (or some other trigger) activates a traumatic memory. In a case such as the September 11, 2001 attacks, the date itself may serve as an especially strong trigger.
"A certain percent of couples do get back together. However the more serious the issues the harder it is to transcend and make a relationship work." The best way to know if you and your ex are in that percentage of couples who might try again to make a relationship work could be by having an open conversation about it.
The best way to combat this is garnering as much support as possible from friends or family. Breaking a trauma bond becomes much more possible when there are people aware of your situation who can provide empathy and help when it's asked for and needed.
"A trauma bond occurs when your partner intentionally harms you through a pattern of threats, intimidation, manipulation, deceit, or betrayal so they have power and control," she says. "You stay loyal to your violating partner despite feelings of fear, emotional pain, and distress."