Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
The best way to know if a narcissist loves you is by looking at their behavior over time rather than just relying on words or expressions of affection. If they are consistently putting your needs first, even when it doesn't directly benefit them, then it may be possible that they truly care for you.
Dr. Thomas G. Plante, a licensed psychologist and professor of psychology from Santa Clara, California, says, “Certainly narcissists can care about others and their feelings […] but they do so in service of their own needs and desires, as a rule.”
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.
They can show great interest in romantic prospects and seduce with generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. Amorous narcissists (Don Juan and Mata Hari types) are adept and persuasive lovers and may have many conquests, yet remain single.
"Narcissists are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of importance," Wasser told Insider. "Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy."
Ultimately, it is draining to be in a relationship with a narcissist, and you have to accept the fact they will never empathise with your feelings, no matter how long you are together. Some may learn to be self-aware in time, and learn to notice when they are hurting you.
You only exist to meet the narc's needs for supply: admiration, attention, and resources. That is all. Your desire to be seen as a separate worthy individual is going to fall upon deaf ears and blind eyes unless the narcissist wants something from you. They simply do not take others seriously.
NO. Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again.
The narcissist wants you to feel unsteady and unsafe. This means emotionally unsafe and can include physically or sexually unsafe as well. This gives him more control over you and makes him feel powerful.
Cerebral Narcissists. As discussed earlier, the word somatic relates to the body. Therefore, somatic narcissists are obsessed with their physical appearance and weight, often securing self-worth from their body image. On the other hand, cerebral narcissists gain their sense of value from their intellect.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider. They lack a psychological trait known as Object Constancy, so they can't stay emotionally connected to someone who is not physically close.
They Don't Appreciate You
Narcissists have extreme difficulty really appreciating others. “They cannot simply enjoy you for who you are, feel proud of you, or acknowledge your efforts in any capacity—for example, when you're trying to help or make them happy,” says Dr.
Maybe you have a high-status job, a large social circle, or a talent that makes you sought after. If they're always thinking what a catch you are, they'll be obsessed with keeping you. The narcissist thinks it reflects well on them to have someone special, skilled, or capable interested in them.
This is especially the case with unsolicited and seemingly inappropriate niceness. Narcissists are very nice until they don't get their way. They are great charmers and can get most people to do and accept things that they wouldn't in their wildest dreams imagine themselves doing or accepting.
First of all, narcissists hate being ignored, so ignoring them may be the best form of revenge. But, it should not be your primary motivation. The most essential thing here is to be mature enough to let go of toxic individuals in your life, no matter how difficult it is.
These findings suggest that physical appearance reflects narcissists' personality, preoccupation with good looks, and desire to be the center of attention, and serves as a vehicle with which to promote their status.
It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value. You are a possession, not a real person.
An injured narcissist will go into a narcissistic rage and self-sabotage relationships with their loved ones or at work in order to preserve their false self at all cost. They will hold the critic in contempt and view them as a threat for their survival.
Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else. It isn't guilt they feel, so much as regret (or even anger) that things happened the way they did. But any “remorse” they feel is likely to be about how that behavior affected them rather than how it affected the victim.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Happiness in the long-term
Real, long-term fulfillment is very difficult for narcissists to achieve. Even if they have manipulated someone to constantly give them attention, they will eventually grow bored and sabotage the relationship.
Narcissists typically settle down in monogamous relationships only if their partner has the ability to keep the narcissistic supply flowing freely. Partners are often viewed as “trophies” and proof of the narcissist's ability to “bag” an attractive or successful partner.