It may be possible for a controlling person to change their behavior over time with psychotherapy if a relationship is unhealthy and not abusive. However, if a relationship involves abuse, a person's behavior could escalate to physical violence.
Summary. Controlling people attempt to assert power and control over others through manipulative tactics such as blaming, being critical, and shutting others down. They may not be aware they are exhibiting this behavior, which often stems from their own anxiety.
It can be difficult to identify controlling behaviour when you're in a relationship. It's easy to justify controlling behaviour as a sign of caring or love for you. It's important to remember that controlling behaviour is not love, it is about power and manipulation.
Practice acceptance. If you want to stop being controlling, then you have to work on accepting things as they are. Though it's great to see something that needs improvement and to go out and change it, it's another thing to try to micromanage and change every little thing until it's exactly like you want it to be.
Causes of Controlling Behavior
The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.
They are terrified of failure, particularly their own and of being unable to fathom the consequences when things go wrong. There is a core of fearfulness or anxiety about their own limitations (often unexplored), a worry about not being respected and a distrust in the ability of others to do what they ask of them.
Controlling behavior and manipulation are toxic and don't align with what open and honest communication is all about—which is necessary for a healthy relationship. If you ever feel unsafe due to someone else's behavior, trust your gut and remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.
If your partner is controlling or abusive, it's better to get help right away. Controlling or violent relationships may get worse over time. Remember: if your partner hurts you, it's not your fault.
Controlling people are often unreasonably jealous. This is more than just not liking it if another person makes eyes at you. A controlling person will often act like they own you and have the right to determine who you spend time with, what you do, where you go, and when you come home.
Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you. In a healthy relationship, there is compromise and understanding around differences. Not one person controls the other person's actions.
Control is typically a reaction to the fear of losing control. People who struggle with the need to be in control often fear being at the mercy of others, and this fear may stem from traumatic events that left them feeling helpless and vulnerable.
Controlling, or manipulative behaviour is one of the key traits of a personality disorder called psychopathy. Thomas Erikson: Psychopaths, they are drawn to control, they are drawn to power, they are drawn to attention as a part of their narcissistic behaviour.
Keep a neutral gaze, expression and tone of voice when speaking with them. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. Make it clear that you're committed to working with them, but let them know your boundaries and that they're non-negotiable.
Personality disorders: Some personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), may increase the chances of someone using controlling behavior. Learned behavior: A person may have learned controlling behavior and other forms of abuse from other people.
Understanding Controlling People
Insecurity — Controlling behavior is often the result of fear or insecurity on the part of the controller, despite the image of strength and confidence he or she often projects.
Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse whereby the perpetrator carries out a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviours within a relationship and exerts power over a victim, often through intimidation or humiliation, which tends to be more subtle and harder to spot.
Controlling behaviors can develop due to several different factors. However, the most common drivers of control issues are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People who have anxiety disorders feel like they need to control things around them so that they can appease their anxiety.
Characteristics. Control freaks tend to have a psychological need to be in charge of things and people - even circumstances that cannot be controlled. The need for control, in extreme cases, stem from deeper psychological issues such as obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders or personality disorders.
Control seekers are often obsessive-compulsive, angry (either overt or passive-aggressive), phobic, or even mood-disordered. These people need control because, without it, they fear things would spiral out of control and their lives would fall apart.
Having a controlling personality is not considered to be a personality disorder; however, contemporary psychodynamic theory and practice see DMS-V personality disorders as being environmental as opposed to purely psychiatric (biological and physiological) conditions.
What is a Type A personality? A Type A personality likes to be in control of their environment and their lives. They're normally not very detail-oriented, choosing to delegate details to others. They're usually very goal-oriented and practical in their solutions.
A controlling relationship is one where one partner dominates the other in an unhealthy, self-serving manner. If your partner constantly makes you feel intimidated, insecure, or guilty, you could be in a controlling relationship. And control in a relationship is a form of abuse.