It is true that many people manage to stay together with little to no physical attraction. Severe health issues notwithstanding, some of these people are engaged in child-centered marriages or they've found a way to sublimate their sexual desire via work, sports, or even substance dependence.
“While physical attraction plays an important evolutionary role in reproduction, there's nothing to say that a lack of sexual attraction will negatively impact a relationship,” Backe explains.
The short answer is that yes, a sexless marriage can survive – but it can come at a cost. If one partner desires sex but the other is uninterested, lack of sex can lead to decreased intimacy and connection, feelings of resentment and even infidelity.
Can love exist without physical attraction? Yes, it definitely can. Love can involve an emotional connection, intellectual connection, and a physical connection – and all these connections are completely separate.
For many, the need for physical attractiveness not only helps create a relationship, but it continues on throughout marriage, and love units are deposited whenever the spouse is seen — if he or she is physically attractive. Among the various aspects of physical attractiveness, weight generally gets the most attention.
If you have formed a relationship with someone you have never been physically attracted to, it is best to gently confront the person. Denying this deficit often results in more destructive behaviors, like having an affair or rejecting your partner in bed.
According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven't had sex with each other in the past six months to one year.
A sexless marriage is a marital union in which little or no sexual activity occurs between the two spouses. The US National Health and Social Life Survey in 1992 found that 2% of married respondents aged 18 to 59 reported no sexual intimacy in the past year.
Self-Esteem Issues
Where physical intimacy is lacking, this can cause self-esteem problems. If your partner shows no interest in you physically, you might feel like they're not attracted to you anymore, and this can cause you to question yourself.
The truth is, there are plenty of adverse sexless marriage effects on women. Such effects include: Feeling a loss of emotional intimacy/connection/friendship to her partner. Low self-esteem.
Anxiety, stress, and depression are also common sexless marriage effects on the husband. When a husband is denied sex at home for a long time, his mental health is likely to deteriorate from stress, overthinking, and inability to release the feel-good hormone from sex.
She May Have Some Health Issues
Hormonal imbalances, depression, chronic illness/pain, and some medications can all contribute to low sexual desire. Women are about twice as likely to experience depression as men. Over 60% of people who experience depression report having a negative effect on their libido.
Studies have shown that attraction can build over time, but it needs to be exercised like a muscle. Spend time thinking about the things you like and desire about this person, both physically and emotionally. Fantasies and feelings will grow and develop the more you focus your thoughts on these things.
Physical attraction is important because it leads to greater physical intimacy and connection, helping partners feel more bonded and attached to each other. However, relationships shouldn't be based on physical attraction alone.
Although a sexless marriage is not listed in the law as a ground of fault for absolute divorce or divorce from bed and board, it can be strong evidence for a court to find constructive abandonment.
But even if there's no perfect definition for a “sexless” marriage, everyone seems to agree that they're common. Newsweek estimates that about 15 to 20 percent of couples are in one, and sexless marriage is the topic of myriad new books—like Yager-Berkowitz's—and plenty of articles and columns.
When it comes to relationships, a lack of physical intimacy is merely a symptom of other issues in the relationship, not THE problem. A lack of sex in a relationship doesn't automatically lead to infidelity either.
There are a few common reasons why couples develop a lack of intimacy. Stress is the most common reason. Stress can come from various sources such as pressure from work, child care, and financial troubles in the family. There are several studies that show the link between stress and a decrease in sex drive.
So, for couples who mutually agree to focus on bonding through means other than sex. Their marriage will undoubtedly last for as long as the agreement remains. If, however, one partner decides otherwise, a compromise has to be made for divorce not to become the imminent outcome of such marriage.
There are times you MUST leave—if there is ongoing abuse or if you are in danger of physical harm, you should only consider staying safe. Repeated bouts of addiction, cheating, emotional badgering, and severe financial abuse need to be handled with extreme care as well.
In reality, it's not uncommon in long-term relationships for attraction amongst partners to dissipate. There was once sexual attraction but the spark has died. If you've noticed that your feelings of attraction for your partner have faded, you're certainly not alone.
Consider Couples Therapy
While you may not be able to restart your attraction overnight, if you believe your relationship is worth saving, it's important to try every solution, which includes couples therapy. "Going to a couples counselor or sex therapist together is a helpful move at this juncture," Winter says.