The biggest shock to ADHD relationships comes with the transition from courtship to marriage. Typically, a person with ADHD
But unlike the calculated manipulation that's part of the gaslighting cycle, when an infatuated adult with ADHD focuses 110 percent of their attention on a new partner, this obsession may be neurological rather than psychological. It may not be intentional “love bombing” at all.
However, hyperfocus may also manifest in relationships in the form of an obsessive interest in or adoration of a partner. And like other types of hyperfocus, it can abruptly end and turn into boredom and inattention. This can leave a partner feeling abandoned, confused and bereft.
Someone with ADHD can be engrossed in a hobby like knitting or painting or a random activity like watching the clouds. At times, this hyperfixation may be helpful. A person who becomes wholly engaged with a work activity or task may spend hours completing it without getting distracted.
Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner. But your marriage or relationship can thrive with proper treatment and tactics to ward off misunderstandings.
These specific symptoms can impact how you relate to your partner: Inattention: Adults with ADHD can lose focus during conversations, which leaves the partner feeling devalued. Inattention can also lead to mindlessly agreeing to things that you later forget. This can be frustrating and lead to resentment.
Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet. And after a lifetime of criticism for their ADHD faults, they need for their partners to recognize these good qualities — and vice versa, for that matter.
Intense emotions and hyperfocus
When teens with ADHD fall in love, the good — and bad — feelings that come with it can be even more intense and more disruptive. New relationships or crushes are exciting and (mostly) enjoyable. But for kids with ADHD, that excitement and enjoyment can sometimes go too far.
Toxic relationships hound many people with ADHD, whose persistent symptoms and battered self-esteem make them especially susceptible to “love bombing,” “trauma bonding,” and other romantic red flags. Here, learn how to spot signs of an unhealthy relationship.
During the early stages of a relationship, the partner affected by ADHD can focus intensely on the romance and the new partner. This sends the message that the new partner is the center of the person's world. It typically generates feelings of connection, love and validation, and the relationship seems to grow quickly.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be an effective treatment for ADHD and can help to reduce the intensity of hyperfixations. CBT helps patients to identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors. In addition, CBT teaches patients how to manage their time, set goals, and stay organized.
Adults diagnosed with ADHD often blame themselves for their problems or view themselves in a negative light. This can lead to self-esteem issues, anxiety, or depression.
Controlling behavior and distrust. Abusive — this is also inclusive of emotionally abusive behaviors, such as gaslighting, love bombing, breadcrumbing etc. Disrespectful. Financial abuse or dishonesty.
Obsessing and ruminating are often part of living with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). No matter how hard you try to ignore them, those negative thoughts just keep coming back, replaying themselves in an infinite loop. You know it's not healthy, but you can't seem to stop yourself.
In one study, researchers found that people with self-reported ADHD symptoms earned lower scores for affective empathy compared to other participants. However, they were still within the range of what's considered typical for empathy levels overall.
As daydreaming is often regarded as inattention, it's commonly associated with ADHD, but excessive daydreaming is also a sign of a condition called maladaptive daydreaming. This too is highly common for students with ADHD.
Hyperfixation and Dopamine
It's very hard for people with ADHD to move slowly in a relationship because their brains are just so delighted by the way a new relationship makes them feel.
Thereby, individuals with ADHD reported significantly more often about a wide range of hypersexual fantasies and behaviors in comparison to individuals without ADHD.
People with ADHD tend to be forgetful, impulsive, and/or inattentive, which can complicate how well we adhere to the etiquette of texting. In other words, we're more likely to ghost our friends, but completely by accident.
ADHD is not the kiss of death. The condition, alone, can't make or break a romantic relationship. But, if symptoms of attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) are not properly acknowledged, treated, and accepted, they can — and often do — create or exacerbate marital tensions.
When someone with ADHD falls in love for the first time, they can experience more intense emotions than those who do not have ADHD. These people “might feel a deep sense of intimacy and acceptance” when they first fall in love.
Impulsive behavior
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
ADHD and NPD are two different disorders that sometimes can co-occur. While NPD is a personality disorder and ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, they may, for different reasons, share central features like lower levels of empathy and interpersonal difficulties.