Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you. They are, in essence, lighting up old wounds within you. Sorry to break the news, but chemistry isn't always a good thing.
Childhood trauma can impact relationships because we learn about emotional bonds early in life. So, when people we depend on for survival hurt us or aren't present, it can impact how we view human connection.
Whether the trauma was physical, sexual, or emotional, the impact can show up in a host of relationship issues. Survivors often believe deep down that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment is an impossible dream.
When you experience a traumatic event or series of traumatic events it can lead to self-limiting beliefs and feelings of shame. It might make it difficult for you to assert yourself and set boundaries within a relationship, or even know what a “healthy” relationship looks like.
Your guard is up, anxiety and arousal get confused easily. Your trauma might be impacting your sex life negatively if sex feels demanding, aggressive, or triggers anger and controlling behavior (fight). You may find that withdrawal, avoidance or passive interaction (flight) typifies your sexual interaction.
Even minor traumas, like the feeling “my parents never heard me,” can lead you to be attracted to, or hypersensitive to, someone who struggles to be present with you.
Traumatized individuals have an extreme mistrust of the Arousal Cycle. As they are reminded of the traumatic experiences that they have gone through, feelings of fear and frustration begin to smother and overwhelm them.
If you find that your loved one is pushing you away when you try to communicate with them or show support, it may be because those experiencing PTSD often: Find it difficult to regulate emotions. Distance/isolate themselves from others. Experience intimacy challenges.
Attachment trauma may occur in the form of a basic interpersonal neglect (omission trauma) or in the form of physical, mental or sexual abuse (commission trauma). In many cases, both trauma types are combined. Attachment trauma often leads to a “disoriented- disorganized” attachment.
The truth is.. You are never too damaged to be in a relationship or to be loved. You are deserving and worthy of love no matter what phase of life you are in. More than half the battle is remaining open to receiving love.
Clingy Behavior in the Context of
Taking into account the causes of clinginess, it becomes clear that this behavior is often the result of attachment trauma – not receiving the closeness, comfort, and security a child needs to feel safe.
The symptoms of unresolved trauma may include, among many others, addictive behaviors, an inability to deal with conflict, anxiety, confusion, depression or an innate belief that we have no value.
Intrusive memories
Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.
You may have more emotional troubles such as: Feeling nervous, helpless, fearful, sad. Feeling shocked, numb, or not able to feel love or joy. Being irritable or having angry outbursts.
Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, dissociation, confusion, physical arousal, and blunted affect. Most responses are normal in that they affect most survivors and are socially acceptable, psychologically effective, and self-limited.
Attachment trauma is a disruption in the important process of bonding between a baby or child and his or her primary caregiver. That trauma may be overt abuse or neglect, or it may be less obvious—lack of affection or response from the caregiver.
From Freyd (2008): Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person' s trust or well-being: Childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse perpetrated by a caregiver are examples of betrayal trauma.
The anxious-avoidant attachment style is often due to trauma that includes physical abuse, chaotic or scary environments, and/or inconsistent care. This can help explain why they are both attracted to and fearful of closeness.
Ochlophobia (fear of crowds): A person may feel anxious about being touched in a crowd. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): Fearing touch may come from experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. It may occur after sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape.
They may be impulsive, acting before they think. Aggressive behaviors also include complaining, "backstabbing," being late or doing a poor job on purpose, self-blame, or even self-injury. Many people with PTSD only use aggressive responses to threat. They are not able to use other responses that could be more positive.
In time, most are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems. Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb. They may have less interest in social or sexual activities.
Sexual trauma can cause survivors to become either hypersexual or hyposexual, but not always. Hypersexuality can be a way to reclaim their sexual expression after a nonconsensual experience and may be a healthy way to begin healing for some.
A 2021 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that hypersexual behavior may be a reaction to past trauma, and that it's linked to post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.
If you often feel as though your life has become unmanageable, this could be a sign that you have some unresolved emotional trauma. Emotional overreactions are a common symptom of trauma. A victim of trauma might redirect their overwhelming emotions towards others, such as family and friends.