The anxious-avoidant attachment style is often due to trauma that includes physical abuse, chaotic or scary environments, and/or inconsistent care. This can help explain why they are both attracted to and fearful of closeness.
Emotional avoidance is a common reaction to trauma. In fact, emotional avoidance is part of the avoidance cluster of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, serving as a way for people with PTSD to escape painful or difficult emotions.
Avoidant attachment develops when an infant or young child has a parent or caregiver who is consistently emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to their needs. Infants with an avoidant attachment style may also have faced repeated discouragement from crying or expressing outward emotion.
Trauma has the potential to shift our attachment style. But it's not just traumatic experiences that can change the way we attach to others. Those with insecure attachment who enter into secure relationships as adults can learn to become securely attached, too.
On the other hand, exposure to trauma in early childhood significantly interferes with the ability to form secure attachments. Despite experiencing trauma such as neglect and abusive behavior, however, all children continue seeking proximity and develop distinct attachment patterns (7).
What causes fearful avoidant attachment? A person with fearful attachment may have grown up in an environment where their source of comfort and safety was often compromised with fear and unpredictability. This may involve a neglectful or unpredictable caregiver, or experiences involving abuse.
Adverse childhood experiences like divorce, domestic violence, substance abuse, and parents with mental health issues all can leave their mark on the child's forming brain and nervous system . The long-term result manifests as a struggle with symptoms of attachment trauma which last well into adulthood.
"Disorganized attachment style is said to be the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to treat or change," Feuerman says. But it's important to know that your attachment style can shift over time — you can develop a secure attachment style by changing the way you act and think.
While attachment style is relatively stable, it can change through adulthood. Avoidant attachment may be modified through major life events such as trauma or other challenging life events.
Fearful attachment style was most strongly associated with PTSD symptoms.
For instance, avoidant personality disorder is more common in people who are anxious and tend toward depression. Parental emotional neglect certainly can play a part in exacerbating these issues, and sexual and physical abuse also can give rise to the disorder.
People with an avoidant attachment style may have had parents who made them feel neglected. This attachment style can also develop if parents were emotionally unavailable or withdrawn. People with avoidant attachment styles might have difficulty asking for help or expressing emotion.
People may show avoidance behaviors in a relationship for many reasons. They often date back to a person's early relationship dynamics and attachment style. Avoidant attachment may come from having strict, emotionally distant, neglectful, or dismissive caregivers.
Avoidance is a core symptom of PTSD, with at least one avoidance symptom required for a diagnosis. People often try to cope with the trauma by avoiding distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings associated with the event.
This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do. They're just prone to pushing down their heartbreak and attempting to carry on with life as normal.
Abuse at the hands of someone with an avoidant personality disorder often includes psychological and emotional abuse. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
Attachment Avoidance & Social Loneliness
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time.
Whereas the avoidant is someone afraid of intimacy and emotional closeness and has a high need for independence and solitude. If your ex has an anxious attachment style, they likely moved on slower than an average person. Whereas if they have an avoidant one, they likely moved on faster than an average person.
Fearful-Avoidant, aka Disorganized Attachment
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is the rarest, and "develops when the child's caregivers — the only source of safety — become a source of fear," according to the Attachment Project, an attachment style education site.
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
Attachment trauma is a disruption in the important process of bonding between a baby or child and his or her primary caregiver. That trauma may be overt abuse or neglect, or it may be less obvious—lack of affection or response from the caregiver.
People who have unprocessed trauma often report having commonly known symptoms, such as intrusive thoughts of the event(s), mood swings, loss of memory and more. However, some people may be struggling with unresolved trauma without even realizing it.
If an adolescent experienced neglect or abuse, they may develop fearful-avoidant attachment style. As adults, this attachment style may make it difficult for them to trust people, may cause them to feel uncomfortable with showing affection, and they may close themselves off emotionally.