While it's most common in romantic settings, gaslighting can happen in any kind of relationship where one person is so important to the other that they don't want to take the chance of upsetting or losing them, such as a boss, friend, sibling, or parent.
If a parent repeatedly denies or disputes your experiences or your feelings about them, makes you doubt or feel bad about yourself, or tries to relinquish responsibility for something he or she did by blaming you—those are all signs of gaslighting.
Some well-meaning parents may gaslight their children in an attempt to protect them. For example, “You will love these vegetables as they are so yummy.” However, many more do so to maintain control, power, and a sense of rightness in the parent-child relationships.
You may be more vulnerable to gaslighting if you suffer from any mental health issues that weaken your resistance, such as a history of abuse or trauma, low self-esteem or depression, for example.
Gaslighting Defined. Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators.
This is not to say that gaslighting is the fault of the target, at all — this is to say that a gaslighter will use (often positive) characteristics of their targets to their advantage. Gaslighters tend to target people who: Like to help others.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
Do gaslighters know they're gaslighting? Gaslighting lies on a spectrum. Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
Toxic people, in general, do not own up to their actions and the influence they have on others. “Criticism, looking down on you, bullying, invalidating or gaslighting, and physical intimidation or abuse – all of it happens in toxic sibling relationships.”
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
Saying things such as “you always,” or “we never” are examples of absolute statements. Nobody will always be one way or another, so this is often said as an exaggeration out of frustration. While unintentional, it is a mild form of gaslighting.
A toxic sibling relationship is a relationship that is unbalanced in its power dynamic and may involve sibling abuse and dysfunctional sibling rivalry. Sibling estrangement can be caused by parental favoritism, having immature parents, parental or sibling abuse, and psychopathy.
Emotional abuse between siblings is common but difficult to research. The impact of emotional abuse in any form should never be underestimated. Name-calling, belittling, teasing, shaming, threats, intimidation, false accusations, provocation, and destroying a sibling's belongings are all forms of emotional abuse.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
They lack empathy for others, and their gaslighting can cause danger to their victims both mentally and emotionally. Commonly, a gaslighter has a condition known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have admiration for themselves over others and will do whatever it takes to put themselves in control.
To maintain control over their victims, a gaslighter will get defensive and find a way to manipulate you into believing you're at fault. For example, if you confront them about their inappropriate workplace behavior or jokes, they might turn it around on you by asking you why you're not resilient enough to take it.