The first reason a dismissive avoidant ex may come back to you is if the relationship ended on neutral or positive terms. People with this attachment style aren't big on processing difficult emotions because, often, they struggle with emotional intelligence.
We have found that on average a fearful avoidant will not initiate a reconnection with you. However, there is a window of time where they do consider it and if you time it right you can get them to come back if that's what you want.
The truth is, we've found that most exes who are avoidant will usually not reach out to an ex on their own accord because it usually triggers two things within them; A feeling of trauma and vulnerability that they aren't comfortable with.
Yes. Some dismissive avoidants feel regret the break-up as soon as it happens, especially if they had formed some form of attachment. Some dismissive avoidants try to get back together right after the break-up and other's offer a friendship out of regret.
Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.
Avoidants will use many justifications (to themselves as well as others) to avoid exposing these basic truths. They have fewer break-up regrets and feel relieved at leaving their partner, but will then seek out someone the same.
This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do. They're just prone to pushing down their heartbreak and attempting to carry on with life as normal.
Dismissive-avoidant after breakup: short-term
So in the aftermath of a painful breakup, they are less likely to turn to friends and family. They want to deal with things on their own. And when it comes to challenging, romantic feelings, airing their 'dirty laundry' is often the last thing they want to do.
The dismissive avoidant tends to ruminate on the break-up for quite a while. To the anxious preoccupied, that's going to look to them as if the person just doesn't care, but that's not the case. They need the time to sit with their feelings and understand if the break-up was an overreaction or not.
Right away when you go no contact with a dismissive avoidant, if they were the one to break up with you or vice versa, they are going to feel some sort of relief. You have to remember, for the dismissive avoidant, they're taking a gamble by getting into a committed relationship with you.
Whereas the avoidant is someone afraid of intimacy and emotional closeness and has a high need for independence and solitude. If your ex has an anxious attachment style, they likely moved on slower than an average person. Whereas if they have an avoidant one, they likely moved on faster than an average person.
Yes, but let's clarify. Avoidants do sometimes cycle back around to those they have shut out, disappeared on, and ignored. However, just because they come back this doesn't mean this is a viable relationship.
According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.
They're just afraid they'll never find a good partner, so they often panic when relationships start to get serious. An avoidant can fall in love, so don't give up on them if they're important to you. An avoidant needs time to learn they can trust you. Once they feel secure, they're more likely to commit to you.
A recent study conducted by Ex Boyfriend Recovery has found, That on average it takes 5.2 months for an ex to come back after a breakup.
Avoidant-attachment style personalities aren't emotionally mature enough to tell their partner the truth about how they feel, so they disappear when they become threatened with feeling vulnerable or close to someone.
A dismissive-avoidant will shut down when approached with inconsistent communication. Over time a Dismissive-avoidant will stop trying to bridge the gap in emotional connection and slowly give up on the relationship.
Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.
On top of that, their unnecessary fear causes them to lose emotional attachment with their partner. In short, they become different people altogether. Overall, love avoidants start to grow distant as soon as their relationship develops.
If you feel that your avoidant partner isn't recognizing your love or reciprocating your efforts, it's time to leave. While you might feel emotions like sadness, anger, fear, or grief, this is all part of the healing process. Allow yourself to feel the painful feelings of your breakup.
If you want to get back together with a fearful avoidant, avoid doing or saying anything to make their anxiety worse. The goal is to make them feel safe around you, so remember to be calm, kind, and upbeat. Speak to them in a soothing tone of voice. Point out the silver lining when something bad happens.
An avoidantly attached person may feel as though their patterns of avoidance are permanent and cannot be changed. However, the good news is that avoidant attachment can be healed, and individuals can develop more secure, fulfilling attachment styles through effort and support.
An avoidant-dismissive person can have a successful loving relationship once they acknowledge their attachment style and are willing to work on the detrimental effect it will play out on their loving relationship if they continue acting out avoidant-dismissive behavior.
People with a dismissive-avoidant style are not afraid of abandonment or the end of a relationship. When conflicts happen, a person with this attachment style often starts looking for the fastest way out of the relationship.
In closing, I just want to say going no contact works with pretty much every attachment style, but it's different for the fearful avoidant. You have to give it that time of three to four weeks in order for them to start to feel those emotions for you again and actually get back into their activated state.