Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
Cheating doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you or respect you anymore. In fact, it's quite the contrary. If your partner cheats on you, it's because they're doing everything they can to keep the relationship intact while still fulfilling their needs (because everyone has needs, both emotional and sexual).
For many individuals, it is hard to think that a relationship can survive infidelity and part of the healing process involves reflecting on what occurred and why. Most importantly, relationships can survive infidelity when both parties are willing to work together on healing and move forward in the relationship.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
Cheating can be a sign of deep relational issues
A cheater might suffer from extremely low self-esteem and a narcissistic view of seeing things. Some people have a tendency for attention-seeking and once they are satisfied with one person they might go on to another to fulfil their needs and validate themselves.
Being in love with someone then sleeping with a new guy, even if you're in a committed relationship with the love of your life, is certainly possible. You might feel that you can't control yourself when it comes tosleeping with someone else.
While cheating isn't a justifiable coping method, it does become a mechanism for dealing with pain when no other avenues seem available. And to many mentally unwell people, finding real help may feel utterly impossible.
Know That You Aren't a Bad Person
"Cheating is a very serious thing. It's a very big deal, and you should take the time to really sift through all of those feelings and reactions you're having," said Gloria. "At the same time, you also need to recognize that this doesn't make you a categorically terrible person.
Here's what we do know about the prevalence of cheating. A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported: a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs. nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together.
Simply put, cheating is being unfaithful to your partner.
There are different types of cheating in a relationship, and it doesn't only involve physical affairs. Instead, cheating seeks sexual intimacy, emotional attachment, or gratification from someone other than your partner.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Cheating husbands may be defensive over the smallest things. They may seem unusually sensitive or touchy about things that seem harmless to you. If you ask an innocent question about what they had for lunch, they may snap at you and accuse you of being controlling or demanding.
A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.
A constant feeling of not being enough, whether enough for your partner or in life, is a common reason people cheat. No matter what you do or have, it feels never enough, and you constantly strive to find more. Maybe you feel you need another relationship to fill the void or make you feel whole.
Can you really have good intentions and still wind up in bed with someone other than your spouse? Mira Kirshenbaum, a couples' counselor and the author of When Good People Have Affairs, says the answer is yes.
Inherent Selfishness/Entitlement. Some cheaters, despite loving their partner and enjoying their relationship, feel they deserve more. Rather than seeing their vow of fidelity as a sacrifice made to and for their relationship, they view it as something to be worked around.
Terms such as “soft cheating”, “cyber infidelity”, and “micro-cheating” refer to less obvious means of cheating that are not traditionally thought of as infidelity but are ultimately dishonest and secretive.
How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond. Some even last for a lifetime.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Even people in happy relationships can cheat
This might come as a shock, but people are still likely to cheat even if they're happy with their partners. Some even go so far as to purposefully search for their own affairs.
What Is Emotional Cheating? Emotional cheating is a type of infidelity where one partner shares emotional intimacy and connection with someone other than their partner. This connection crosses the boundaries of a healthy, platonic relationship and assumes a breach of trust within the primary relationship.
Dr. Carnes writes that in many cases of PTSD, infidelity causes new, distorted bonds to form between spouses. He calls these “trauma bonds” or “betrayal bonds.” Trauma bonds look different in every relationship.
Infidelity can be traumatic, causing intensely painful emotions for the person who was cheated on. They may actually experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and emotional distress.