Avoidant attachers have an innate desire to be loved and supported – just like everyone else. However, their childhood template for relationships taught them that they would be rejected for expressing their desire for affection.
And for other attachment types who are in a relationship with an avoidant type, what it comes down to is being consistent, yet flexible and helping these individuals tame their insecurities of fear and doubt. Avoidant individuals can find love and connection, especially with a partner who understands what they need.
Often, the Avoidant person will come out of a period of loneliness with a renewed commitment to see a new partner in more a positive light. They want to give relationships another shot, hoping their resolve will continue and for a while they will be happy with a new opportunity.
Despite the name, love avoidants actually crave love and affection, just like everyone else. But because of their childhood wounds, they find it more difficult to face disappointment and betrayal than other people, so they tend to guard their feelings and do all they can to avoid being hurt in their relationships.
Those with Avoidant attachment are likely to need a lot of emotional space and independence, and might be uncomfortable with strong displays of emotion or conflict (think of these like cats - a bit standoffish and aloof).
Avoidants are not “emotionally empty” and they do not hate love. Instead, they are afraid of being close to someone and want to avoid getting hurt. Being open to another person makes you vulnerable, and an avoidant person is scared of being rejected, abandoned, or hurt by trusting someone else.
Avoidant partners may fail to acknowledge your feelings or rarely express their own emotions. They may not know how to handle emotional conversations or issues. If you have an emotional response, they may tell you it makes no sense or try to reason you out of your feelings.
Then it is one of the important signs an avoidant loves you. If they are genuinely in love, they will occasionally text or call you and may share some good jokes. Remember, it is a stark contrast to their reserved personality! Also Try: How Well Do You Connect with Your Partner?
So avoidants in fact feel a desire to leave because they may not be ready to confront and take responsibility for their own behaviour, although they will not normally recognise this is why they are pulling away - they will find another reason.
A dismissive-avoidant person likes to hop from relationship to relationship and can never settle down because they are too afraid to let someone in. The best thing you can do to deal with an avoidant ex is to adopt a secure attachment style, so you have the fortitude to deal with whatever happens.
As a result of turning off their emotions, avoidant attachers are not likely to over-reflect on why a relationship didn't work out. Yet, interestingly, this reaction means that avoidant attachers may struggle to move on from previous relationships as quickly as they could if they had dealt with their emotions head-on.
If you are familiar with attachment theory, I feel confident you have heard this advice before: “whatever you do, don't date an avoidant person. They can't connect, they will ghost you, and they will just hurt you in the end.”
Avoidant partners and anxious love seekers attract each other. But, at the same time, while you attract each other, your tendencies also may cause each other more pain. If you don't implement secure love creators' strategies, you two most likely will cause each other more anxious and avoidant attachment tendencies.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
People with an avoidant attachment style might pull away after sex both because they're uncomfortable with intimacy and they fear rejection. They know that, if they maintain the communication, it will bring them closer to you, and it signals danger to them.
An avoidant attachment style may cause a child to hide their feelings and become emotionally distant from their parent or caregiver. However, the child still desires to be close to that person and experiences inner distress when they are apart.
People who develop a fearful avoidant attachment style often desire closeness. They seek intimacy from partners. However, they may be unable to achieve the deep connection they long for. That's because their attachment experiences have taught them to be fearful of intimacy.
Avoidant people tend to be playing hard-to-get, and anxious people are pursuing them. The nice thing is it's compatible.
The avoidant personality seems to desire affection and acceptance, but doesn't know how to fully experience or obtain it. Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder includes: Avoids activities that include contact with others because of fear of criticism, rejection, or feelings of inadequacy.
People with a so-called avoidant attachment style have reported in previous research that they like touch less and engage in it much less than the average. Thus, they were the perfect candidates to investigate people who could benefit from less touch.
Because of this, fearful-avoidant people have a mixed reaction to breakups: Initially, they do attempt to not feel their feelings and instead numb them in other ways, pretending they're absolutely fine.
Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.
A Love Avoidant Is More Likely to Cheat
Love addicts who cheat are not very common, but love avoidants are likely to commit infidelities as a type of coping mechanism. Experts sometimes call these saboteurs. These love avoidant types might start out in a relationship being affectionate and enthusiastic.