Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
BPD splitting ruins relationships since the person can misconstrue the behaviours of others when their feelings are brought up in the relationship. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them.
Do Those Suffering from BPD's Regret Breaking Up? Although BPD personalities initiate a break-up as a way of seeking validation, because of the intense anxiety at play, they'll often express intense regret because of their abandonment wounding, especially if they're not met with the response they desire.
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in relationships, self-image, moods, and behavior and hypersensitivity to possible rejection and abandonment. People with borderline personality disorder fear rejection and abandonment, partly because they do not want to be alone.
Some individuals with BPD tend to push limits, engage in risky behaviors, or seek stimulation in ways that are unhealthy.
Push/Pull behaviors
A common theory about why you might use this behavior if you have BPD is because you desperately crave closeness in your relationships but, fearing abandonment, you choose to reject this person before they can reject you.
People with BPD often have difficulty regulating their emotions, which can lead to impulsive and unpredictable behavior. If your partner is pushing you away, try to stay calm and focused. Remind yourself that this is not about you, and that your partner is likely experiencing a great deal of pain.
It's a commonly used defence mechanism that is done subconsciously in an attempt to protect against intense negative feelings such as loneliness, abandonment and isolation.
Symptoms of BPD like fear of abandonment or stress-related paranoid thoughts can make your partner believe these isolated incidents mean you're no longer interested in the relationship or want to leave.
People with borderline personality disorder have a deep fear of abandonment. They compete for social acceptance, are terrified of rejection and often feel lonely even in the context of an intimate relationship. Therefore, it is more difficult for them to manage the normal ups and downs of a romantic partnership.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
Family members may be quick to deny or argue the feelings experienced the person with BPD. If these feelings are ignored, the individual may resort to self-destructive ways to express their emotions.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
Unfortunately, because people with BPD have an insecure sense of self, fragments in the relationship feel extremely threatening. If their favorite person disappoints them, it can feel devastating. They may react with rage, threats, or complete withdrawal.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
No. Borderline Personality Disorder and cheating are not connected, though certain symptoms of BPD could drive someone to cheat. That said, if you and your partner are willing to work through the challenges of BPD and go to therapy, then there is no reason your relationship can't succeed.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
BPD Triggers Loneliness and Isolation
It may spring from your fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear can make you feel lonely, even when you have a partner or loving family. Also typical with borderline personality is co-occurring mental illness. One of the most common is depression.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness. In many cases, this disorder is the direct result of childhood trauma, abuse, violence, or neglect.
You may have to let the individual take a step back and reassess things. Usually when a person with BPD pulls away from someone, it is indicative of their level of attachment and emotions towards you. So if you have been “froze out” by someone with BPD, chances are that you mean a great deal to them.
Their fear of abandonment and low self esteem may manifest into them convincing themselves that you no longer want to be with them – whether there is any actual evidence for this or not. To try and tackle the “divide” in the relationship, the borderline sufferer might begin to withdraw or pick fights.
Indeed, the idea that people with BPD are maliciously emotionally manipulative is common, causing even some clinicians to avoid working with them. The way your loved one behaves toward you can profoundly fracture your relationship and leave you with deep shame, anger, resentment, and hopelessness.
Quiet BPD looks different from 'typical' BPD. Having Quiet BPD means you 'act in', rather than act out. You may not have stereotypical BPD symptoms such as frequent anger outbursts – instead you suffer in silence. You may appear calm and high functioning, instead of 'exploding', you implode and collapse from within.