People with borderline personality disorder fear abandonment, partly because they do not want to be alone. Sometimes they feel that they do not exist at all, often when they do not have someone who cares for them. They often feel empty inside.
BPD Triggers Loneliness and Isolation
It may spring from your fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear can make you feel lonely, even when you have a partner or loving family. Also typical with borderline personality is co-occurring mental illness. One of the most common is depression.
Research from 2017 points out that feelings of loneliness are common in people with BPD. Many people with BPD have a strong desire to be close to others. However, fear of abandonment or a skewed sense of self may cause them to act impulsively or aggressively in an effort to keep loved ones close to them.
One explanation for the intolerance of being alone in BPD may be that individuals experience annihilation anxiety [10]. This is a traumatic anxiety based on an actual experience of danger and psychic helplessness [11], reflecting a fear of impending psychic or physical destruction [12].
People with borderline personality disorder who internalize often aim to hide how much pain and sadness they are in. This maladaptive coping mechanism can cause them to spiral emotionally, leaving them to feel like they don't fit in, belong, or have meaningful connections to the outside world.
Physical touch can be interpreted as a sign of intimacy and closeness. For someone with BPD, who struggles with a fear of abandonment, touch might stir up feelings of vulnerability and fear, leading to avoiding physical contact.
They are also not uncaring people. They do care about family and friends but find it difficult not to act selfishly when experiencing their own heightened emotions.
As with 'classic BPD', you have a deep fear of abandonment, but instead of fighting for attachment in the form of clinginess, in quiet BPD you believe you deserve to be abandoned. The self-loathing can drive you to isolate yourself for days and weeks.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often have a difficult time maintaining friendships because of their tumultuous personalities. But these friendships can offer a source of stability in the midst of emotional turmoil.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition characterized by difficulties with emotional regulation and unstable personal relationships. Many people with BPD have a “favorite person” — this is the person they rely on.
Often, the person with BPD will react towards loved ones as if they were the abusers from their past, and take out vengeance and anger towards them. When the person with BPD feels abandoned, they can become abusive or controlling as a way to defend against feelings of abandonment or feeling unworthy.
When people with BPD feel that they're being abandoned or neglected, they feel intense fear or anger. They might track their loved ones' whereabouts or stop them from leaving. Or they might push people away before getting too close to avoid rejection.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
High-Functioning BPD Symptoms
Those experiencing high-functioning BPD often alternate between pushing people away and pulling them in closer, and may similarly fall into patterns of idealizing and then devaluing others. They tend to exhibit quick switches in emotions, such as going from very happy to very irritated.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem.
Borderline personality disorder is one of the most painful mental illnesses since individuals struggling with this disorder are constantly trying to cope with volatile and overwhelming emotions.
BP/NPs rarely feels remorse because they don't feel very much empathy and they don't understand that they are responsible for what they say, feel or do.
However, if the favorite person does something that the individual perceives as abandonment or rejection, they may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, or anxiety. These emotions can be all-consuming, leading to suicidal ideation, self-harm, or impulsive behavior.
If you are feeling perpetually anxious or depressed as a result of caring for your loved one with BPD, you might find it impossible to continue living in those circumstances. Caring for your loved one while maintaining the responsibilities of work, home, and family can erode your own mental well-being.
Emotional detachment is a common core feature of quiet BPD. Instead of feeling everything intensely, they may feel nothing at all. Emotional detachment in quiet BPD is often linked to structural dissociation, specifically due to the creation of a persona that is unfeeling.
People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment. BPD rage is often followed by significant regret and shame.
The Impact of Rejection Sensitivity on BPD
Furthermore, perceived rejection, whether real or imagined, can trigger intense emotional reactions, including anger, sadness, and despair, exacerbating BPD symptoms.