A dismissive avoidant attachment style in adulthood is one of the insecure attachment styles characterized by the lack of desire for emotional connection with others. While they distrust others, they have high self-esteem and see themselves in a positive light.
Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style have high self-esteem and feel that relying or leaning on others is a vulnerability or weakness. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style have a negative opinion of themselves but also have negative impressions of others.
Even though those with dismissive avoidant attachment can look fiercely independent (even to the point of narcissism), their problems frequently stem from low self-esteem just like someone with an anxious attachment.
They have no need for support or reassurance, so they may seem very confident. However, this need for independence comes from deep-seated inner fragility. Dismissive avoidants are fearful of rejection, so they believe that it's easier to protect themselves from hurt if no one can get close enough to reject them.
A dismissive avoidant attachment style (also known as avoidant) is one of the three insecure attachment styles. It typically stems from perceived rejection from caregivers during the first eighteen months of life.
People who are avoidant may feel uncomfortable with the vulnerability and intimacy required in close friendships. They may also struggle with asking for or giving emotional support. As a result, they may have few, if any, long-lasting friendships because friends feel like the relationship is one-sided.
Superficial conversations: A person with dismissive avoidant attachment style tends to keep it superficial and surface-level when it comes to sharing their thoughts and opinions. They avoid having a deeper connect with another person.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
Adults with the dismissive / avoidant attachment style seem to be pretty happy about who they are and where they are. They might be very social, easy-going, and fun to be around. In addition, these individuals might have a lot of friends and/or sexual partners. Generally speaking, they are not alone or lonely.
People with a fearful avoidant attachment style have low self-esteem and elevated anxiety.
A dismissive-avoidant person cannot form supportive relationships. They are not comfortable providing support to friends or romantic partners and they feel less obligated to do so. Their view of those who seek support is that they are dependent, weak, emotionally unstable, and immature.
Remaining emotionally unavailable
A dismissive-avoidant person might not feel comfortable in emotionally vulnerable situations. They may have dreams about meeting a romantic partner, getting married, or starting a family, but connecting on a deeper level is more challenging.
The avoidant personality almost has a very fragile ego, self-image, or understanding of how relationships are to operate. Many are loners or isolators who are too fearful to enter relationships or maintain the one's they already have.
People with the avoidant attachment style are more likely than secure attachers to have low levels of emotional intelligence. This is especially the case when it comes to other peoples' emotions.
However, regardless of whether they are the instigator of a breakup or not, avoidant attachers tend to repress or avoid expression of their intense emotions in the aftermath. This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do.
Despite popular opinion, it's entirely possible to have a satisfying, fulfilling relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style. Although we stated earlier that attachment styles are stable, they are not a life sentence. Your avoidant partner can become more secure in their actions.
You Might Be Unable to Tolerate Conflict
People with a dismissive-avoidant style are not afraid of abandonment or the end of a relationship.
Avoidants don't necessarily lack empathy, though their behavior sometimes makes it seem like they do.
When a dismissive-avoidant feels an expectation placed upon them, they can feel incapable. We all have needs and boundaries. If either makes a dismissive-avoidant feel like they are due to their “weaknesses,” they can shut down quickly.
Someone who is dismissive-avoidant will easily feel smothered if their partner tries to chase them. If they feel controlled or like their partner is trying to change them in some way, they might pull away.
Dismissive avoidant attachment style
As a result, they learn that even under stress they cannot seek comfort from caregivers and instead avoid them. Adults with the dismissive-avoidant style are distinctively cold. They have a negative view of others and avoid closeness with relationship partners.
The dismissive-avoidant person themselves may fare well with a securely attached individual, but the deep aloofness may present an insurmountable chasm.
Partners with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style may struggle to express feelings and connect deeply with their mates. They might not talk about how they feel or turn down their partner's attempts to do so. This can make their partner feel alone and unsupported.