Ability to Apologize Emotionally intelligent people can and do apologize for their mistakes. Their apologies are sincere, heartfelt, and meaningful – not dismissive, fake, or filled with gaslighting. Apologizing and meaning it requires empathy, self-awareness, courage, confidence, and maturity.
Emotionally intelligent people recognize when they're at fault and aren't afraid to apologize. It's not about winning an argument; it's about understanding your partner's perspective and acknowledging your own mistakes. There's strength in saying “I messed up” and using that as an opportunity to learn and grow.
They show empathy toward others
Emotionally intelligent people can read others too. They observe social and emotional cues and see past simply what is said to what someone might be experiencing underneath. They care about how their actions affect other people, and they're able to make predictions to avoid causing hurt.
Emotionally intelligent people won't dwell on problems because they know they're most effective when they focus on solutions. Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves.
People with low emotional intelligence struggle to control, understand, and express emotions. They would react negatively because they are upset and they cannot understand what they are feeling. They have constant and uncontrollable emotional outbursts.
Holding onto a grudge means you're holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.
Because of their high interpersonal sensitivity, people with high EQ struggle to give negative feedback, and their cool-headedness and positivity means they also have difficulty receiving it.
In contrast, the emotionally intelligent realize that they're dealing with a real person on the other side. They take a moment to ask how things are going, or to make brief conversation. They realize they're not the only person making requests, so they periodically ask if they can somehow make the process smoother.
See how to use the top 5 characteristics of emotional intelligence to increase workplace wellbeing and productivity. Emotional intelligence in leadership is comprised of empathy, social skills, self-awareness, self-regulation and motivation.
Those with high EQ are able to recognize emotions in the moment. One of the keys to developing EQ is being aware of feelings, evaluating those feelings and then managing them. Rather than letting emotions take over, you are able to take a step back and understand what is happening.
Over-apologizing is a common symptom amongst individuals with low self-esteem, fear of conflict and a fear of what others think. This goes hand in hand with poor boundaries, perhaps accepting blame for things we didn't do or couldn't control.
The ability to take the perspective of others and to experience empathetic concern were found to serve as links in the relationship between intelligence and prosocial behavior.
“When someone has low self-esteem, they may feel they're taking up too much space, asking too much, or being disruptive,” says Shahar Lawrence, LCSW, in Utah and Nevada. “In this case, they often apologize profusely as they feel they aren't worthy of time, space, or attention.”
In other words, emotional intelligence can be used for good or evil. This is the dark side of emotional intelligence: using one's knowledge of emotions to strategically achieve self-serving goals.
Value of the measurement.
Relatedly, a key criticism of EI is that it really just measures conformity to social norms as opposed to some individual skill or ability.
Another of the more popular criticisms of Emotional Intelligence is whether or not it has the ability to generate any accurate predictions regarding an individual's success, although most models claim they do have varying predictive value.
Then they had to take an intelligence test. There was no relationship found between the participants' temper and their actual intelligence levels. So you could, in fact, be a smart angry person. However, those with a high temper were found, overall, to overestimate how intelligent they actually were.
Highly effective people spend an inordinate amount of time and energy listening (Covey, 1989). Some psychologists believe that the ability to listen to another person, to empathize with, and to understand their point of view is one of the highest forms of intelligent behavior.
The Intersection of Arrogance and Intelligence
But they're often related. Being smart, bright and clever often leads to business success. But having these intellectual gifts also means that one gets used to being right, being perceived as a good problem-solver and being valued by others. And this leads to arrogance.
Listen, really listen
Sometimes, Thinkers are completely oblivious to what you're experiencing. Often, all it takes to make them open up emotionally is to listen. So, instead of cutting them off when they're telling a lengthy story, acknowledge that you're paying attention with empathy and kindness.