Insecurity and anxiety can lead to controlling behavior. Instead of using healthy coping skills, controlling people want to control the world around them in an attempt to feel better.
A person who feels insecure may suffer from an inferiority complex, which makes them believe they will never be good enough to be loved or wanted. Others may exhibit controlling or manipulative behavior.
Understanding Controlling People
Insecurity — Controlling behavior is often the result of fear or insecurity on the part of the controller, despite the image of strength and confidence he or she often projects.
They make others unhappy
According to Alfred Adler, a Viennese psychoanalyst, insecure people have an inferiority complex. They feel low and doubt their abilities. The only way insecure people can make themselves happy is by making others unhappy. Their insecurity serves as a defense mechanism that protects their ego.
Being overly critical of yourself and other people. Trying to portray yourself as overly confident to mask how you really feel. Perfectionism to the point of never being satisfied. Strong desire to be alone and avoid social situations.
The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity.
“Some of the most common insecurities and relationships include emotional insecurity, attachment insecurity, physical insecurity, financial insecurity, professional insecurity, and social insecurity,” explains LaTonya P. Washington, a therapist at Choosing Therapy.
Toxic people are often insecure people. They tend to make themselves feel or seem better than others by talking badly about them rather than taking concrete actions to develop their skills. Toxic people feel entitled to judge others, their actions, decisions, and lifestyles.
Signs of insecurity in men commonly include elements of controlling behavior. This may take the form of belittling or putting you down, isolating you from friends and family, constantly guilting you, a constant lack of trust, stressing their role as your 'protector' and the list goes on.
People with insecure or anxious attachment styles may also experience jealousy in their relationships. For example, you might view other people as a threat to your relationship, or worry excessively about your partner's feelings for you.
Manipulation can be a way of avoiding blame. While some people avoid blame as a way to control or abuse another person, others do so because they fear judgment, have low self-esteem, or struggle to face their own shortcomings.
Insecure people need to become conscious of these vulnerabilities so they can change them. Insecure people spend lots of time trying to make others happy or preventing their unhappiness. Instead they need to allow others to be accountable for themselves and take ownership over their own happiness.
Yes, a controlling person is usually insecure. Controlling behavior is frequently the outcome of the controller's anxiety or insecurity. They control people to exert control over their environment in an effort to feel better rather than developing good coping mechanisms.
Perhaps the most fundamental difference is that arrogance often masks insecurity. That's why arrogant people are boastful about their achievements and abilities while tending to demean others. Confidence, on the other hand, stems from true self-worth: a belief and pride in your achievements and abilities.
He will often fish for compliments
The intense need for reassurance and lack of confidence are the clear signs of an insecure guy. He's likely to ask you a lot of questions about himself as he wants you to praise him. He is very concerned about his appearance.
Key points. Red flags in a relationship are intuitive indicators that something needs to be questioned. Relationship red flags include feelings of insecurity and negative feedback from one's friends and family.
Narcissists are insecure because they have a deep-seated need for validation and attention from others. They often try to overcompensate for this insecurity by seeking power and control over others… and constantly seeking confirmation of their own self-importance.
The fear of being socially judged is one of the most common forms of insecurity. Some people feel self-conscious, anxious, and fearful when in front of others. It doesn't matter whether it's a group of colleagues or family members. This can extend to even the smallest of social encounters like a date.
People who are insecure experience a lot of fear of being abandoned or disliked because they are unsure of themselves. There has been a trigger for anger. This behavior is usually a way to protect themselves. Behind anger, you will find fear.
Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. Listen to other people's stories about overcoming their insecurities. Try new things that make you happy. Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.
Anxious Pre- Occupied, Avoidant, Fearful are insecure personality types. Anxious Pre- Occupied can be the most expressive in their behavior when they feel real or imagined that they are going to be abandoned. The Avoidant type can come across as independent, confident, needing and wanting their space and autonomy.