Few problems in a marriage cause as much heartache and deep pain as infidelity. When both spouses are committed to healing and rebuilding the relationship, though, many marriages survive. In some cases, they may even become stronger, with deeper levels of intimacy.
The highest divorce rate, at a whopping 80%, is linked to those marriages where one or both partners have a secret affair that they never own up to. On the flip-side, only 43% of these marriages, roughly half of the above figure, end in divorce when the unfaithful partner comes forward with their indiscretion.
It's absolutely possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, it's also possible to work on the relationship so that you and your partner are able to move on.
How long extramarital affairs last varies: about 50% may last between the period of one month to a year affair, long term affairs may last long-term, for about 15 months or more, and about 30% of affairs last about two years and beyond.
Cheating rarely ends well. Only 5% to 7% of affairs result in a marriage—and roughly 75% of the unions that started as affairs end as divorces.
About 14% of couples under the age of 55 reported adultery in their marriage. Most people who cheat have been married for 20 to 30 years and are between the age of 50 and 60.
The data that focused on marriage length found that men and women differ when it comes to an inclination toward infidelity over time. Women are most likely to cheat on their spouse in years 6-10 of their marriage, while men are more likely to cheat after year 11 of their marriage.
Some of the reasons cited as the cause for cheating may include: Unhappiness/Dissatisfaction: Dissatisfaction with the marriage either emotionally or sexually is common. Marriage is work, and without mutual nurturing couples may grow apart. A sexless marriage is often claimed as a reason for both men and women.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
An affair can become long-lasting love when both parties are in love and are ready to do right by each other. This often happens when the person being cheated with seems to outperform the present partner. You might get confused if you are really in love or not.
Signs Your Partner Is Truly Remorseful
Not only do they apologize, and often, but they also openly express what they're apologizing for. They don't make vague statements or blanket apologies. They show their remorse by doing things that they feel will lessen your pain. It's about both words and actions.
Things that can trigger flashbacks include spending time with your partner who cheated, romantic sounds, love stories, not hearing from your partner and sometimes they can just come out of the blue when you least expect it. Being betrayed by a loved one can often be traumatic.
In this new study, 45 percent of individuals who reported cheating on their partner in the first relationship reported also doing so in the second. Among those who had not cheated in the first, far fewer (18 percent) cheated in the second.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger. Read more here.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
For the betrayed spouse, stages of an affair being exposed can involve everything from denial, shock, reflection, depression to finally taking an upward turn.
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.
Just because they're happy together, doesn't mean they're not sleeping with others. We would all like to believe that affairs are the refuge of the discontented, that only people in unhappy marriages cheat. But “happy,” it turns out, is not a sufficient antidote to affair.
Overall, research shows that somewhere between 15-50% of divorces are due to infidelity, although the American Psychological Association narrows that estimate to about 20-40%.
The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin. It doesn't hurt that we usually dress nicely and are on “good behavior” at work. Plus, having shared passions about projects (or mutual annoyance at a boss or co-worker) provides the perfect breeding ground for an affair.
Low sexual and relationship satisfaction, high sexual desire, and lack of love are the most robust predictors of infidelity.
According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven't had sex with each other in the past six months to one year. I was once in a sexless relationship.