Studies show that narcissists are more likely to get divorced than people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you can handle the challenges of being married to a narcissist and can find ways to make your relationship work, you may have a very happy marriage.
As per any psychologist, the relationship may vary, ranging from one month to two to three years. Some relationships even last for decades.
According to a blog post on Psychology Today by Elinor Greenberg Ph. D.; however, you can almost never be actually happy in a relationship with one. “Once past the courtship stage, all the relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder include some form of abuse and a great deal of tension.
Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
Being married to a narcissist can result in low self-esteem; diminished healthy connections with others; restricted access to resources needed to leave the relationship; and mental health struggles as a result of the narcissistic abuse endured.
One of the key traits of narcissistic partners is manipulation. They may make subtle threats or make you feel responsible for everything that goes wrong. You may get a sense that you need to do what they want you to do or something bad will happen.
Romantic love can evolve into love, but narcissists aren't motivated to really know and understand others. They lose interest as the expectation of intimacy increases or when they've won at their game. Even if they marry, they're unlikely to support their spouse's needs and wants if it's inconvenient.
For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion. Twisting When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions.
Narcissists get married because they want someone to inflate their ego and be a permanent source of narcissistic supply. A narcissist getting married is likely only if it serves their purpose, like image boosting, a readily available audience, or money.
Choosing To Stay With A Narcissist
Dr. Durvasula: There are so many reasons why people can't leave narcissistic relationships. Financial reasons, cultural reasons, they have children, religion, fear, anxiety, and that they still actually love the elements of this person, they want to be married.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures.
The major finding of this study suggests that marriage to a narcissist worsens over time.
Living with a narcissist may feel difficult, but it's possible to preserve your well-being with strong boundaries, a solid support network, and a therapist who's informed on narcissism. You may also find it useful to attend a National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family support group in your area.
Narcissistic rage ranges from direct confrontation with name-calling and hurtful slurs, to calculated, closed down reactions like giving their partner the silent treatment for hours at a time. "They give you the cold shoulder, or they walk out and they find another woman," Greenberg said.
A grandiose sense of self-importance. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions. A need for excessive admiration.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Is it ever possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? If we are talking about a person who meets the criteria for NPD listed above, the answer would have to be 'no'. It's difficult to have a genuine and loving connection with someone who makes everything about themselves.
"If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both partners is spending all their time at work, with friends, online — and if feels like a relief not to be with each other — it's a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage." You don't support or listen to each other.
There are no boundaries. Even close, committed relationships like marriage require healthy boundaries, but if you've been dealing with a narcissist, you'll notice that there are no boundaries. You will feel as if you have no privacy, and you may even begin to feel that your time is not your own.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.