A parent who viewed every act of independence as a threat and met each accomplishment in your life with jealousy instead of joy or praise. This is what it is like to live with a narcissistic parent. Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
A narcissistic personality disorder parent may throw their child an emotional bone from time to time, feigning interest and even love, especially if their child makes them 'look good' to others. This is not real love, but a self serving investment in buoying up their fragile ego.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Narcissistic parenting creates huge problems for the growing child. Daughters of narcissistic mothers often become enmeshed with their parent, losing contact with their true self and growing up without boundaries and without the ability to recognise or nurture healthy relationships.
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek admiration from others, believe she is above others, lack empathy, exploit her children, put others down, experience hypersensitivity to criticism, believe she deserves special treatment, and worst of all, maybe naïve to the damage she is causing.
“You knew I didn't like it, but you still did it to hurt me.” “You only think about yourself.” “You always look for attention.” “You don't deserve everything that I have done for you.”
Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
Indecision and Guilt
Adult children of narcissistic parents fear that they will hurt someone else by choosing to do what's right for them. They have been 'trained' to consider their parent's needs first and foremost, and it is therefore hard for them to consider their own needs without feeling selfish for doing so.
The Narcissist's Children Are Most Vulnerable to Abuse
To support their persona of superiority and entitlement, narcissist parents use the following tactics to “win” in their ceaseless game of controlling and besting others: criticism. blame. projection.
Narcissistic parents want their child's performance to reflect on them. The reasons for this are complex. Parents may be trying to compensate for what they believe are their own shortcomings. They may rely on their child's success to bolster themselves up.
2) Guilt-tripping with Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG)
It is common for narcissistic parents to use FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) on us to evoke the kind of guilt that would cause us to give into their desires, even at the expense of our own basic needs and rights.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
The children of a narcissist are often children who grow up to be codependent, people-pleasers, and have low self-esteem. They are children who never feel good enough for their parents or themselves.
The child is often shamed and humiliated by a narcissistic parent and will grow up with poor self-esteem. The child often will become either a high achiever or a self-saboteur, or both. The child will need trauma recovery and will have to re-parent themselves in adulthood.
Narcissists often cultivate the idea that they are “perfect” parents, but neglect is common in narcissistic families. Narcissistic parents may neglect kids' emotional, physical, safety, medical, and/or educational needs. Neglected children pay a high price in their physical, emotional, and psychological development.
Many narcissistic mothers see their daughters as extensions of themselves. Their daughter's successes reflect well on them. They live their lives through their children and can become extremely controlling. When you're on the receiving end of this, it can feel suffocating and when you get the chance to escape—you do.
“It is important to try to speak to the person, establish boundaries, and create a relationship that does not negatively impact your life,” she explains. But if keeping in touch with a relative with NPD is too painful or detrimental, severing ties may be the best solution for your mental health.
Things You Should Know
A narcissist is likely to be enraged when they begin to lose control. They may lash out at you, go on a smear campaign, or purposefully ignore you. They may also lovebomb you to reel you back in. Their main goal is to get your attention, provoke a response, and regain power.