2) False Flattery Narcissists are so hungry for praise that they assume others are as well. They may tell you that you are special, that only you understand them, or that only you know how to take care of them.
Narcissists themselves often seek out praise, and they often use praise to manipulate and control others. Narcissists use praise in place of love. At the core of the narcissistic personality is a flawed belief that praise is love.
However, once in a while, just once in a while, the gaslighter/narcissist will give you something that appears like a compliment. However, it is anything but. Gaslighters/narcissists can never fully compliment someone unless there is an insult tied to it.
Partners and relatives of narcissists learn quickly not to call them out on inappropriate behavior because they don't want to be hurt. They give backhanded compliments. Narcissists are always looking for ways to make themselves feel superior to others, and one way they do this is through backhanded compliments.
The covert narcissist certainly craves importance and thirsts for admiration but it can look different to those around them. They might give back-handed compliments, or purposefully minimize their accomplishments or talents so that people will offer them reassurance of how talented they are.
Use Self-Deprecating Tactics
Among many other things covert narcissists do, a hallmark of their eccentricity is using false humility or self-deprecating comments to garner people's attention and seek validation. They trivialize their skills and accomplishments, so people reassure them or shower them with praise.
Empathetic – Narcissists lack any empathy, so they gravitate towards people who are caring and put other people before themselves. When a target is abused by a narcissist, they are manipulated into taking the narcissist's side and believing that they are responsible for their partner's hurtful words and actions.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Narcissists are self-obsessed and control others for their personal gain; they're notorious for using a few specific tactics for getting and maintaining this control. First, narcissists guarantee success by targeting codependents: They also try to make others feel special using compliments and flattery.
In some cases, people who fish for compliments have an actual personality disorder—like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with those conditions typically find it hard to control their impulses and may show attention-seeking tendencies.
adulation. servile flattery; exaggerated and hypocritical praise. blandishment, cajolery, palaver. flattery intended to persuade. blarney, coaxing, soft soap, sweet talk.
Someone who is highly empathic might be drawn to narcissists, and vice versa, as narcissists rely on being the sole focus of their partner's attention.
Say, "Thank you."
So rather than get into a debate about why the comment is hurtful, a simple thank you can be the best way to move forward. When to use it: The 'thank you' approach is especially effective when people give a backhanded compliment out of ignorance.
There are four types of people who narcissists tend to be attracted to, according to Arluck: People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures.
One of the most common ways a narcissist, especially the covert types, will try to test you is through the silent treatment. They will simply stay silent and ignore you because they want to get a rise out of you. They want you to go back to them and grovel for their forgiveness and validation.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Final Thoughts on the Red Flags of a Narcissist
Narcissistic individuals often exhibit traits such as a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and an inflated sense of self-importance. It's essential to understand that dealing with a narcissist can be draining and challenging.
On the other extreme, persons with vulnerable narcissism may present with salient features of dysthymia, depression, and anhedonia. However, the grandiosity and need for admiration would be prominent despite the affective symptoms, which would differentiate it from a major depressive disorder.