Narcissists are simply preoccupied with their own needs For all of these reasons, narcissists do not initiate divorce. They are simply preoccupied with their own needs, and as a result, they completely ignore the state of the marriage or their partner's needs.
A narcissist will expect to get special treatment and to be able to control everything in the divorce, even the judge. They also don't like to lose, so they will file motions and fight hard to win, even over trivial matters that aren't worth the attorney fees.
They cannot let go. Dragging out the divorce can be a way for the narcissist to continue keeping their partner in limbo, unsure of what their future holds, in order to maintain power over them. They may also not want to see their partner move on.
Once affirmed, they begin the attack on their spouse. Verbal berating, name calling, threats of divorce, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and bullying are common first line attacks. This tactic almost always works in the beginning as the spouse dejectedly returns back to the narcissist to try the relationships again.
In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce. So, what's the reason for this high rate of divorce involving this one personality type?
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
Because narcissists refuse to take responsibility for their own conduct, they often struggle to accept a spouse's decision to seek a divorce, no matter how justified the decision.
When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general, and about your dynamic (poor communication, different values, etc.), rather than identifying your spouse as the problem. Stick to your guns. Once you announce your decision, don't waffle. Ambivalence will confuse and aggravate the narcissist.
The narcissist then "falls apart" in a process of disintegration known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralysed and fake - his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears - are starkly exposed as his defences crumble and become dysfunctional.
A narcissist after divorce is still a narcissist, and she will likely continue to try to make your life difficult while putting herself on a pedestal. If you have child custody, child support, or spousal maintenance order, it's possible your ex will try to return to court at some point to have these modified.
Here are some of the most common divorce tactics that people with narcissistic personality disorder use: Steering the conversation to irrelevant, insignificant details while pushing core problems aside. Delaying hearings, not showing up, trying you to give in prematurely. Verbal abusive scar tactics.
They may say or do things that are hurtful and offensive to others grieving the same loss, making it even more challenging to help them get through their grief. A narcissist may feel that the death of their loved one is an inconvenience to them and feel burdened by their loved one choosing an “inopportune time” to die.
They will often break up with their partner but they will do it in stages until the victim is too worn down to leave them. One of the most common reasons that narcissists give for breaking up with their partner is that they feel like they are not good enough for them or they don't want to hurt them by staying together.
Unless they have had a lot of successful psychotherapy for their NPD, they do not feel guilt, shame, or self-doubt so long as their narcissistic defenses hold. This means that they do not think there is anything for them to regret, no matter how hurt you feel.
People with high levels of narcissistic admiration experienced less anxiety and sadness after a breakup and maintained positive perceptions of their exes. They were also more likely to initiate a breakup and attribute it to their lack of interest in their ex.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
Can a narcissist have a happy marriage? Unfortunately, the answer is almost always “no.” The photos and the couple's public behavior show one thing, while something much less appealing is going on behind the scenes.
Illnesses, aging, and job losses or promotions can act as triggers for the narcissist to suddenly abandon the relationship.