Ask any mental health professional knowledgeable about BPD and they'll tell you that these two types of personality disorders tend to be attracted to each other. The borderline and narcissist relationship is prevalent and most likely, incredibly toxic and abusive.
When the person with NPD meets someone with BPD, they can tend to use them to fulfil their need for validation, often at the expense of the BPD sufferer's boundaries and feelings. This insatiable need for attention coupled with the heightened emotions of BPD to make a volatile mix.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
The Attraction
In the case of the borderline sufferer, when they first encounter the narcissist, they see everything they are not and cannot do. They're amazed by their confidence, as they recognise its absence in their own life. They find being involved with them validates their character, boosting their self-esteem.
In addition to the chaotic emotional life and fears of abandonment associated with BPD, a person with co-occurring NPD may also take advantage of or manipulate others while having little empathy for others' concerns. This combination can be incredibly destructive in relationships.
Punchline: Borderline and Narcissistic individuals often fall in love because they are at approximately the same level with regard to their “Intimacy Skills.” They both are likely to be in the early stages of learning how to successfully maintain intimate relationships.
One study found that approximately 13% of those with BPD also met the diagnostic criteria for NPD. Another report found that as many as 39% of people with BPD may have NPD as well. When BPD and NPD co-occur, someone is likely to have a specific subtype of NPD known as covert, or vulnerable, narcissism.
BPD features are highly represented in subjects with psychopathy as well as psychopathic traits are highly prevalent in patients with BPD.
It is a complicated mental illness centering on an individual's inflated sense of self-importance accompanied by a lack of empathy for other people. While this is an intimidating definition, narcissistic individuals can and do fall in love and commit to romantic involvements.
The fragility of a BPD woman can also plug into a man's hero complex. Her constant need for reassurance and support can exaggerate an insecure person's sense of importance. In fact, it's not uncommon for narcissistic men to gravitate to BPD women, because each disorder serves the other, says Freed.
Starting a Romantic Relationship
Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD describe their partner as fun, exciting, and passionate. Many people are initially drawn to people with BPD precisely because they have intense emotions and a strong desire for intimacy.
Those with borderline personality disorder have problems regulating emotional impulses and often experience rocky relationships. But new research suggests that many men find traits associated with borderline personality disorder to be appealing in physically attractive women.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
There are four types of people who narcissists tend to be attracted to, according to Arluck: People who are impressive in some way, either in their career, hobbies and talents, their friendship circles, or family. Someone who will make the narcissist feel good about themselves, through compliments or gestures.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or those with BPD who may not even know they have it, are more likely than the general population to be verbally, emotionally/psychologically, physically abusive.
Findings showed that 73% of BPD subjects engaged in violence during the one-year study period, and frequently exhibited co-morbid antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and psychopathic characteristics. Reported violence was mostly characterized by disputes with acquaintances or significant others.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness. In many cases, this disorder is the direct result of childhood trauma, abuse, violence, or neglect.
Delusions have a prevalence of 26% in patients with borderline personality disorder. Hallucinations and delusions are frequently intermittent or even persistent. Persistent hallucinations can be severe, causing disruption of life. Careful assessment of psychotic experiences in borderline patients is warranted.
Although anyone can develop BPD, it's more common if you have a family history of BPD. People with other mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression or eating disorders, are also at higher risk. Nearly 75% of people diagnosed with BPD are people assigned female at birth (AFAB).
People with BPD score low on cognitive empathy but high on emotional empathy. This suggests that they do not easily understand other peoples' perspectives, but their own emotions are very sensitive. This is important because it could align BPD with other neurodiverse conditions.
Conclusions: Our results suggest a relatively high prevalence of BDD among patients with BPD, and co-occurrence of BDD and BPD remains to be clarified.
A romantic relationship with someone with BPD can be, in a word, stormy. It's not uncommon to experience a great deal of turmoil and dysfunction. However, people with BPD can be exceptionally caring, compassionate, and affectionate. In fact, some people find this level of devotion from a partner pleasant.