We are likely to notice things that relate to our current desires, fears, past traumas, or unmet needs from the past that are still active in the present. This means that when narcissists see you as special (all-good), they are literally only noticing and remembering the things about you that fit this view.
It's true: Your narcissistic ex will remember you but not — never — in the way you hope they will, as the “great love of their life”. Most of the time they won't even think about you and you know why: They're too busy spinning their web to snare the next unsuspecting spider.
DISSOCIATIVE GAPS AND CONFABULATION. Narcissists and psychopaths dissociate (erase memories) a lot (are amnesiac) because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct: The False Self. Narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens darkly.
Narcissists prioritize the memories that are important to them. Because they lack emotional empathy, memories about how you feel are much less important to them than whatever is on their mind right now.
When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right.
Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people's shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—there to serve their needs.
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors.
Regardless of the narcissist's attempts to act as if something didn't happen or you never told them what was important to you, they often do remember but if they truly don't remember, they are incapable of accepting blame so will make it about you.
Together, past research has focused on narcissists' ability to remember self-relevant information and reason about the mental state of others. Narcissists tend to be selective about what they remember or have worse memory compared to non-narcissists.
So how to make a narcissist miss you? It isn't all that difficult. Ignore them, and they'll do everything in their power to get your attention; narcissists thrive on interest and admiration, so playing hard to get is one of the best strategies for winning them back.
They can have deep regret for failed relationships and they may feel loss very deeply. But they feel that regret and loss only insofar as they relate to their own agenda and feelings . Their remorse points inward. They may feel very sad that they lost someone and they may genuinely miss that person.
"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."
Yes, they can, but because they don't like feeling vulnerable, they self-sabotage to protect themselves. What is this? The problem with narcissists is not that they don't feel love, they don't know how to show unconditional love.
At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
They disrespect other people's time. Narcissists see their own agenda as very important. This can result in disrespecting other people's time, whether it's sending work emails after hours, excessive DMs, or chewing co-workers' ears off about their latest passions, ideas, travel experiences, or weekend achievements.
Leaving a narcissist can often be one of the hardest parts of the whole relationship. This is because they have emotionally, financially, and psychologically drained you. Experts weigh in on how to safely leave a relationship with a toxic person.
Narcissists value fame, beauty, and success more than relationships. Sure, they date and have friends and often these relationships start out exciting — but fizzle quickly. “People who are narcissistic should have a trail of bad relationships behind them,” Campbell said.
For the person on the receiving end, someone experiencing a narcissistic collapse may look out of control, extremely angry, and vindictive. In some cases, it may look like someone withdrawing altogether and giving them the silent treatment.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
Mental breakdown or psychotic break
They don't know what to believe anymore so much so that they can become suicidal or start hallucinating. As you can imagine, if you start seeing those signs of narcissistic collapse, you need to protect yourself.
Many won't let you go, even when they are the ones who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
They get jealous about everything
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.