They would like their child's successes to reflect on them and attract attention to them, but at the same time, they do not want to be overshadowed by their kids. In this way, narcissistic parents don't support a healthy sense of self-esteem in their children.
Narcissistic parents like to set impossible tasks. Then they criticize their children when they fail to achieve them. Good parents help their children navigate obstacles. Narcissistic parents place challenges in front of their children.
They shift blame onto their children.
They can be cruel when they feel criticized, and their comments often sting. Common refrains from narcissistic parents might be something like, “It's your fault that I am so tired,” or, “I could have had a great career if I didn't have to deal with you.”
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
As parents, narcissists are often emotionally unavailable, neglectful, and abusive. Unfortunately, their children typically have difficult childhoods where they constantly try and fail to live up to the changing expectations of their parents.
Narcissists 'can never really love anyone'
"They do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone." This doesn't change when they have children.
Narcissistic parents engage in ongoing comparison, triangulation, and smear campaigns to alienate their children's relationships with the other parent, siblings, extended family, and social circle. With adult children, narcissistic parents may attempt to alienate their kids from their own children and spouse.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
They are jealous of the child.
At times, this can extend to their own children. If, rather than seeing the child as someone who can be used and manipulated, the parent sees them as someone who highlights their own deficiencies, they may choose to be around someone who is less of a threat.
The obsession or focus a narcissistic parent has on a child often has to do with the parent's own emotional needs. Narcissistic parents support children's “greatness” and encourage their talents, with the excuse that they love their child and are sacrificing themselves for the child's future.
They Are Manipulative & Exploitative
Narcissistic parents often manipulate their kids to fulfill selfish desires or aspirations. Their love is conditional, and they frequently use narcissistic manipulation tactics, such as blaming, guilt-tripping, or setting unreasonable expectations, to control their children.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
We demonstrate that narcissism in children is cultivated by parental overvaluation: parents believing their child to be more special and more entitled than others. In contrast, high self-esteem in children is cultivated by parental warmth: parents expressing affection and appreciation toward their child.
How might a narcissist do this? They may seek revenge on their ex-spouse through the form of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). Through PAS, narcissists use their children as pawns to get back at their ex in an effort to prove their dominance.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
A good parent is available, responsive, and consistent with their child. A good parent helps their child develop a realistic sense of self by mirroring their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs. Narcissists can't be a good parent because they are incapable of having emotional closeness that good parenting requires.
Many narcissistic mothers idealize their young son. They build his confidence and sense of importance. As he matures and challenges her control, she disparages his emerging individuality and tries to correct and change him. To boost her ego, she may brag about her son to her friends, but is critical at home.
Some parents with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) tend to treat their adult children as an extension of themselves. Here's how you can cope. Infantilization of adult children can be a common behavior among parents with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
For instance, narcissistic parents are hyper-critical, but they need their children to feed their own ego. The way this manifests happens in two distinct ways. It's very typical to see narcissistic parents treat different siblings very differently — often one is the favoured child and one is the scapegoat.
Yes, they do — here's why.
Well, it's simple: they lie. Lie's are an easy way to get the instant gratification a narcissist needs to get them through this one moment. Lies are how a narcissist can keep power and control over you; they are the foundation for a narcissist's world.
Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, which impacts all their relationships, including those with their mothers. They are often dismissive, neglectful, or manipulative, using their mother to fulfill their own needs without considering her feelings.