While love is expressed and experienced differently from person to person, those with autism are fully capable of forming deep emotional connections. These can include love for their family, friends, romantic partners, or even interests and hobbies.
A 2016 study found that the vast majority (73%) of high functioning autistic people surveyed have had romantic experiences. In fact, only 7% of participants reported no desire to be in a relationship.
Love and affection may be felt but expressed differently
They may show love, for example, through a practical act, and tidy up for you, or iron your shirt, rather than through a more neurotypical way of looking at you and telling you or using physical affection.
People with autism often experience love differently from neurotypical people. Their expression of love is less straightforward, as they tend to rely heavily on non-verbal communication.
Some people with autism don't instinctively think to give kisses or hugs and tell you they love you, so their partner often has to be the one to initiate these things. As they learn, they'll get better at consciously deciding to do these things on their own.
Some autistic people might like more 'obvious' forms of flirting like grand gestures, crafting things for someone or writing letters.
Many people with autism crave intimacy and love. But, they don't know how to achieve it in a romantic relationship. They can feel blind to everyday subtle social cues from their partner. This can cause conflict and hurt feelings.
Autistic individuals may have problems communicating sexual needs which can cause issues in intimate relationships. They may seek to satisfy these needs on their own, rather than communicate them with their partner. In turn, this can result in hurt feelings.
Touch is an important component of many social experiences for many people. Autistic children commonly avoid social touch more than non-autistic peers. It is generally thought that this is due to autistic individuals experiencing hyper- or hyposensitivity of touch.
Some kids on the spectrum feel a constant need for affection because they are not sure when or if the attention will be available. Schedule 5 to 10 minutes every day when you can provide your youngster with undivided attention (i.e., no computer, T.V., cell phones, etc.).
These responses are often described as a general hypersensitivity, but they are more complex than that: Sometimes autistic people crave touch; sometimes they cringe from it.
The aversion to touch may be misunderstood as a lack of comfort with affection. Children with autism do experience and express affection – some may simply experience and express it differently than others.
The physical touch love language
For example, random gentle touches on the arm can feel shocking or surprise hugs from behind might be way too stimulating. On the other hand, it might be deeply soothing when your partner gives you a tight hug or firm massage when you're in the right mood.
Only when you understand your own needs and abilities can you partner with someone to manage the challenges of the love language! There are many young adults on the autism spectrum who find love and enjoy long-term, satisfying romantic relationships.
While many children with autism feel averse to hugging, some children with autism like to be hugged. Some children can swing the opposite way and want so many hugs that they feel hug deprived when they aren't getting enough.
Persons on the autism spectrum often have trouble staying on topic and maintaining a conversation. Social skills are also affected. Eye contact may be difficult and sometimes facial expressions may not reflect an individual's true feelings. Social cues are often missed or misread.
Individuals with ASD seem to have more hypersexual and paraphilic fantasies and behaviors than general-population studies suggest. However, this inconsistency is mainly driven by the observations for male participants with ASD.
Some 70-80 percent of people with ASD suffer from hypersensitivity or undersensitivity to neural stimulation through the various senses, including sight, touch, and taste. Some parents of children with ASD report that their children stiffen when touched, try to avoid touch, and prefer to be touched on their own terms.
The truth is, just as with neurotypical people, each person on the spectrum is a unique individual, with very different preferences, needs, routines, and behaviors. If you are dating someone with autism, it is important to be open to learning about the unique person you are dating.
Sensory issues may be a concern for an autistic adult, especially when dating can involve physical contact. If hugging is too much, consider hand-holding as an alternative. If the date takes place somewhere subject to loud noises and/or visual stimulation, pre-plan how you might take breaks with your date.
People with autism may get easily attached to people, leading them to become over-friendly.
Physical touch can present complications for an autistic person. They may abhor all types of physical interaction, they may crave certain kinds of physical contact, or different intensities in certain situations. Knowing your loved one is key.
Tactile (or perceptible to our sense of touch) defensiveness is a symptom that is often found in children with autism. Common signs include frequent mouthing of non-food objects, strong preference or aversion to food with specific textures, and these kids may prefer to touch others rather than being touched.