Surprisingly, it does. Rekindled love can be a lot more than just a bout of passion and reminiscence. Research has shown that a whopping 71% believed that rekindled reunions were the most intense relationship of their lives. And this was reflected in their success rate of staying together – 78%.
On-and-off relationships do work for some people, but more often, this pattern causes plenty of emotional distress. Discovering what fuels the break-up-make-up pattern can help you determine whether you want to address these issues or say goodbye for good.
Carver adds that rekindled relationships are incredibly intense because couples can skip past the getting-to-know you phase. “We can go from “nice to see you” to seeing them naked in less than 24 hours. It's an instant relationship, you just don't put it in the microwave,” he says.
The results showed just 15% of people actually won their ex back, while 14% got back together just to break up again, and 70% never reconnected at all. But although it sounds like a small number, a few success stories showed how it is possible to work things out if you put the time and effort in.
“We're seeing several consequences associated with remaining in these relationships, such as less relationship satisfaction, poorer communication, less commitment, more intimate partner violence, and in this particular study, finding that it's associated with depression and anxiety symptoms over time,” Monk said.
Being in an on-again, off-again relationship can damage one's mental health, leading to possible depression, eating disorder, and/or anxiety. Additionally, Monk also notes how these types of relationships have higher rates of abuse, poorer communication, and lower levels of commitment.
"A certain percent of couples do get back together. However the more serious the issues the harder it is to transcend and make a relationship work." The best way to know if you and your ex are in that percentage of couples who might try again to make a relationship work could be by having an open conversation about it.
If you're unsure whether it's worth it to rekindle your romance, there are ways you can tell, says a therapist. Discuss how you've grown since your breakup and address the reasons you broke up. Consider whether you want your ex back for comfort, or if they add something to your life you can't find anywhere else.
Relationships break down, but fixing them isn't impossible.
When communication and connection break down, it takes knowing both yourself and your partner to make the meaningful changes needed to turn things around. Like so many things, working on our romantic relationships can be difficult.
Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you're together and actively fighting through your issues.
Surprisingly, it does. Rekindled love can be a lot more than just a bout of passion and reminiscence. Research has shown that a whopping 71% believed that rekindled reunions were the most intense relationship of their lives. And this was reflected in their success rate of staying together – 78%.
Old flames often rekindle, she theorizes, because a physical, chemical imprinting occurs when we meet our first love. It typically happens when we are young and impressionable. "What we find is that once those emotional memories get started, those feelings are strong and resilient," Kalish says.
If this sounds like your relationship, all hope isn't lost. As long as both of you are motivated and willing to make an effort, it's never too late to reintroduce that excitement, says Sommerfeldt. But it will require you to work through some issues you may have been avoiding.
That's why the average length of rebound relationships is not beyond the first few months. On average, 90% of rebound relationships fail within the first three months, if we talk about the rebound relationship time frame.
The answer is “Yes!” You can absolutely make changes, but you've got to approach your relationship in a new way. Today I'm sharing my three-step process to restart your relationship plus I have a special gift I made just for today's article, so read on! Prefer to listen to the podcast?
Anything from one week to a month should be enough time for one or both parties to determine whether they should stay together. “You may decide halfway through the agreed upon time that you want to be with that person, but you should respect the time frame,” Edwards says.
Understanding the Effort Involved
Rebuilding trust takes a significant amount of time and patience. It might take us several months or even years to fully be able to trust our loved one again. Along the way, we need to continue working on reestablishing trust slowly under the guidance of family counselors.
A breakup isn't always the end of the road. In fact, a hefty 60 percent of couples report getting back together again, per (opens in new tab)Psychology Today (opens in new tab).
Lingering feelings. Ex-partners are, quite simply, not over each other. Evidence suggests that maintaining lingering feelings is the most commonly cited reason for getting back with an ex-partner (Dailey et al., 2011). Love, it seems, doesn't stop when a breakup happens, and it can spur people to get back together.
Reconnecting with an ex, no matter how toxic or abusive that person might be, may provide temporary relief because we think it will somehow provide reassurance of our self-worth. Not to mention that we see the reunion in itself as an indication that our ex-partner can “redeem” himself or herself.
Stop trying to fix a relationship that has no intimacy.
This doesn't just refer to sexual intimacy but also emotional. As expected, the initial passion of any relationship tends to wear off. If a deep emotional connection doesn't replace this, that's when to stop trying in a relationship.
More often than not, we return to someone we know is toxic because we believe that it feels better than processing the loss that comes without them. The collapse of a relationship is painful, and it's uncomfortable too.
“Rebound relationships typically last between one month and a year, and commonly struggle to last past the initial infatuation period. They are often not based on deep compatibility, so differences can start to strain the connection,” says Stein.