Although it is customary for pallbearers to send thank you notes to the surviving members of the family, those planning the funeral should also consider writing a message to honor the service of these individuals.
Pallbearer etiquette
Carry the coffin with dignity and respect. Carefully follow the funeral director's instructions. Wear smart and appropriate attire. Walk slowly and steadily. Arrive at the funeral slightly early.
The pallbearer today is responsible for carrying the casket of the deceased from the funeral home into the hearse, and once at the cemetery, the pallbearers will carry the casket from the hearse to the burial site.
While you do not have to write a thank you card in response to a simple note of sympathy or condolences you've received after a death, it is traditional to thank those who have really gone out of their way to help you or to honor your loved one.
There is no standard for pallbearer gifts, but those who opt to provide them should make sure that the gesture is meaningful and honors the service—even if just a small token of gratitude.
General etiquette rules dictate that you need to send thank you notes within two weeks of the funeral. Your friends and loved ones know you're grieving, so if you take longer to send the notes out, don't worry. A late thank you note is better than no thank you note at all.
Pallbearers are usually close family members and friends. Siblings, adult children, grown grandchildren, nieces and nephews, close friends, and colleagues are all common choices for pallbearers. However, anyone can serve as a pallbearer.
Pallbearers need to dress appropriately. Unless the bereaved specify otherwise, men should wear dark, solid suits with white shirts and conservative ties, and women should wear dark pantsuits or dresses. You really don't want to trip when carrying the casket.
Depending on the tradition, pallbearers would either carry the coffin on their shoulders or by their waist. At times additional pallbearers, known as honorary pallbearers, walk either behind or directly in front of the casket in a showcase of supplemental distinction towards the deceased.
Participating in a funeral as a pallbearer is a time-honored tradition and a sign of trust. It's both an honor and a responsibility. After all, you have been asked to accompany a dearly loved person to their final resting place, which means the family trusts and values you.
Pallbearers
If you require assistance with pallbearers, the funeral home can help you hire the help needed. The pallbearers will expect payment for services rendered.
Is Carrying a Coffin Heavy for Pallbearers? Yes, carrying a coffin can be burdensome for pallbearers. The body, casket, and hardware may weigh 400 pounds. If that weight is divided evenly among six pallbearers, each one is responsible for about 66 pounds.
Opinions differ on whether family members should be asked to be pallbearers. Some people consider it a no-no, while others are fine with including family members. It's possible that immediate family members of the deceased, like siblings or children, may be grieving too deeply to be tasked with this job.
Try to keep your emotions in check
No one will fault you for letting a few tears slip, but if you're concerned you won't be able to do your duty without heavy crying, you might want to decline the invitation to be a pallbearer. It's best to keep a straight face.
As early as the 1700s, gloves were given to pallbearers by the deceased's family to handle the casket. They were a symbol of purity, and considered a symbol of respect and honor.
Whether it is a father, mother, son, daughter, uncle, aunt, cousin, husband, wife, or best friend, it is crucial that a pallbearer is emotionally, mentally and physically capable of carrying out the task. If any person is unfit mentally, emotionally or physically, they can serve as an honorary pallbearer.
The traditional format regarding the number of pallbearers is 6, primarily due to the length of the standard casket, so that 3 people on either side can conveniently carry the casket. Most caskets have additional handles at each end which will accommodate 2 more bearers.
In most funerals, there are some common choices while selecting pallbearers. Siblings, adult children, grown-up grandchildren or close friends, colleagues or nephews and nieces are frequently selected as pallbearers. There is no written rule as to who can handle this task.
It is appropriate to send thank you cards to each of the pallbearers thanking them for their service, even in circumstances where service as a pallbearer is largely honorary (as is sometimes the case with cremation).
Pallbearers will have to carry the casket with the body inside, so they will have to transport the body's weight and the coffin. 370 to 400 pounds is the final weight that pallbearers will carry if the casket is standard sized, 200 pounds heavy, whereas the adult body is 200 pounds (male) or 170 pounds (female).
The weight of both the decedent and the casket varies but expect to help bear 300 pounds of weight or more.
Pallbearers are usually chosen by the closest relatives of the person who has died, and may be family members, close friends or co-workers. Although pallbearers have traditionally always been men, women are now also given the role. It is considered a great honour to be a pallbearer.
Know the weight of the person in the coffin and bear in mind that wooden coffins are also quite heavy, adding up to 20kg. If the load is more than 90kgs (14 stones) you will need six bearers. If the load is more than 125 kilos (20 stones), you should think very carefully about carrying the coffin.