Manipulators often play the victim role ("woe is me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone.
A person who plays the victim actively manipulates others by attention-seeking, inflicting guilt, and evading accountability. A person who is authentically opening up accepts feedback, responds to empathy, and can be vulnerable.
Not all victims are manipulative. Feeling like a victim has taken on negative connotations, but there are people who ”play the victim” in order to manipulate you. This is a favorite defense of narcissists and other personality-disordered people.
The goal of manipulation is to control another person in order to get what the manipulator wants. It can involve a range of behaviors that can range from the more obvious to the very subtle.
The manipulator may experience physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual distress due to a guilty conscience and shame. The manipulator may feel stress and anxiety from having to constantly “cover” themselves, for fear of being found out and exposed.
Manipulators often play the victim role ("woe is me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from someone.
To disarm a manipulator, postpone your answer to give yourself time to ponder, question their intent, look disinterested by not reacting, establish boundaries and say no firmly, maintain your self-respect by not apologizing when they blame you for their problems, and apply fogging to acknowledge any mistakes and end ...
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will. On a global stage, when gaslighter “plays the role” of a victim, it takes on a different tone.
Exaggerated victimhood is a common feature of narcissistic grandiosity. Narcissistic personalities often feel victimized because of their unrealistic expectations, hypersensitivity, and lack of empathy. Narcissists also play the victim to elicit sympathy and avoid responsibility for their abusive behavior.
Past trauma
A victim mentality mindset can form as a response to very traumatic past experiences. Victimization can cause coping mechanisms to develop when the emotional pain of trauma makes someone feel trapped.
You might be better off getting your point across in a more subtle manner. For example, instead of saying “You're always playing the victim!” you might say: “Well, we've talked enough about the problems. Let's try to figure out the solutions.” Or: “What would you like to see happen?” The victim mindset is a loop.
In the study people who admitted to manipulating others maliciously scored higher on measurements of Machiavellianism and narcissism. People who admitted to faking things to get what they want, scored higher on measurements of Machiavellianism, narcissism and emotional intelligence.
While anyone can be manipulated, expert manipulators tend to target people with and take advantage of certain personality traits. These traits include: The desire to be liked or to please; these people are more likely to take extraordinary measures to gain favor. Low self-esteem.
Manipulators are driven by a need for power and control over every situation. In some cases, this can arise from past trauma, in an attempt to predict what is coming their way and make themselves feel safer in the moment.
Manipulation can deteriorate the health of a relationship and lead to poor mental health of those in the relationship or even the dissolution of the relationship. In a marriage or partnership, manipulation can cause one partner to feel bullied, isolated, or worthless.
Many people are unaware they are manipulating others. At one time or another, both you and I have used our influence to achieve a personal desire — it is basic human nature. However, some intentionally manipulate others. They seek to lower another individual's self-esteem and cause harm.
Another common trait of narcissism is manipulative or controlling behavior. A narcissist will at first try to please you and impress you, but eventually, their own needs will always come first. When relating to other people, narcissists will try to keep people at a certain distance in order to maintain control.