“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people.
The truth is that narcissists have emotions just like anyone else, but they process them differently, and though they might truly care about you, it is hard for them to empathize with you or consider your feelings. They are too preoccupied with their narcissistic supply to be concerned about you.
Its no secret that a core narcissistic trait is the lack of empathy and care for others. However, people with strong narcissistic tendencies and other dark personality traits (hereafter narcissists) do sometimes act in a caring manner, or try to appear this way.
Ultimately, it is draining to be in a relationship with a narcissist, and you have to accept the fact they will never empathise with your feelings, no matter how long you are together. Some may learn to be self-aware in time, and learn to notice when they are hurting you.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
The narcissist wants you to feel unsteady and unsafe. This means emotionally unsafe and can include physically or sexually unsafe as well. This gives him more control over you and makes him feel powerful.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
The narcissist may indeed regret this loss, but not out of any real concern for the person – instead, they experience regret because they no longer have someone to reflect their false sense of self back to them. It is a superficial kind of regret that has nothing to do with true empathy or understanding.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
The narcissist is more than aware of how potent this phrase is and they're quite happy to use it to draw you in again. "You've got it wrong." Gaslighting and narcissism often go hand in hand, and saying “I love you” is a great way of downplaying some of the horrendous behaviour you've been subjected to.
They tend to want to be the best and seem the happiest at the expense of another person's well-being. You might notice that they use detrimental behavior to devalue the happy people around them. This is likely because they want to stand out and do what they can to gain higher status and make others unhappy.
Because narcissists can only focus on themselves and their own needs, this impacts what they believe love is. Narcissists often view love and admiration in a relationship as something owed to them. In turn, they appear entitled and create an entirely one-sided relationship.
Narcissists aren't capable of loving others because they don't know how to love themselves. “Narcissists are unable to see beyond themselves and what they need at any given moment. They don't consider how their actions affect others and they don't care about anyone but themselves.”
This at the heart of what narcissism is all about. To the narcissist, they are more important than everyone else. And emotional invalidation is meant to be used as a tool to gain control of you. That way you are subservient to the narcissist.
It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.
Unfortunately for a narcissist, she says, the next person will always end up being boring because time breeds familiarity, requiring the narcissist to look for something new. "They are always waiting for the next new thing," she adds. "You are not boring, narcissists are just bored with everything."
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Interestingly, the narcissist doesn't just fear to lose you because you make their world go round. They fear to lose you because you also make their world look good.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling.
If your ex had a narcissistic personality, chances are they moved on to the next relationship pretty soon after your breakup.
On the other hand, research shows that narcissists are especially likely to blame another person for a mutually caused failure and respond to social rejection with outsized anger and aggression. Narcissists also tend to see themselves as superior to other people, including their romantic partners.
We tend to feel special when we feel loved. The problem for narcissists, though, is that they don't trust that they are really loved. Most of them have never felt loved in their lives, and so they doubt that they can actually be loved.”
Show them you're a prize.
Unfortunately, narcissists eventually sees others as "less than" them. To keep them hooked, remind the narcissist that you're high value. Maybe you have a high-status job, a large social circle, or a talent that makes you sought after.
Indeed, we knew from prior work that narcissists fantasize about having power over others, and that their sense of self-worth fluctuates based on others' respect and admiration. To understand what narcissists want, it is critical to examine what makes them feel good and bad.