They play favorites. Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family.
Filling an adult role too early: Golden children are often parentified, meaning that they are required to step into a pseudo-adult role by their narcissistic parent. Because golden children are perceived as more perfect or special, they are given greater status than their siblings hold.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
The favoured and scapegoated child
It's very typical to see narcissistic parents treat different siblings very differently — often one is the favoured child and one is the scapegoat.
The scapegoat is someone who must embody what the narcissistic parent cannot stand in themselves. By “finding” what they hate in themselves to be in the scapegoat child, the parent feels protected; this is the role of the scapegoat child.
Some narcissists may have healthy, loving relationships with their mothers, but many will struggle due to their narcissistic character traits. The narcissist's need for admiration and validation means they will often put unrealistic demands on their mothers, while their need for control makes them manipulative.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
The condition is believed to be caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, including exposure to parental narcissism. Narcissistic individuals are often vain, have low self-esteem, and feel entitled. They may be unsympathetic and have little empathy for others' feelings.
Most recent theories have focused on the link between narcissism and negative childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual violence, neglect, or rejection [10,11].
Effects of Being Raised by Narcissists
Dr. Brunell says, “The child typically suffers from low psychological well-being, such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. They tend to try to please others and have poor ability to set boundaries or to say no to people's requests.
Children of narcissists often end up in relationships with people who have narcissistic traits. These children feel like they can never be good enough for their partner or themselves, so they become codependent on the other person to make them happy and validate their self-worth.
A good parent is available, responsive, and consistent with their child. A good parent helps their child develop a realistic sense of self by mirroring their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs. Narcissists can't be a good parent because they are incapable of having emotional closeness that good parenting requires.
A parent who viewed every act of independence as a threat and met each accomplishment in your life with jealousy instead of joy or praise. This is what it is like to live with a narcissistic parent. Recent studies confirm that narcissistic parents are incapable of truly loving others, even their own children.
Parents who are high in narcissism tend to assign roles to their children including "golden child," "scapegoat," and "lost child." A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected.
You see, not only will a narcissist subject their children to all the usual abusive behaviours that they subject everyone else to, but at the same time, they view their children as extensions of themselves; as not being separate from them.
It's complex, but narcissism is probably a combination of nature and nurture. Like most mental/emotional issues, narcissism is most likely partially inherited and partially environmental. Based on decades of research, narcissism appears to be a spectrum.
Is NPD genetic? No, there is no gene for NPD, and people are not born with it. Like other mental health conditions, environment is a major factor.
Narcissists believe that they and their needs are special and take precedence over those of others. This core is made up of arrogance, self-involvement, and entitlement. In fact, entitlement is reportedly the most toxic element in relationships.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
People with NPD have a grandiose sense of self. They typically feel like they're important — and often more important than others. They commonly seek out attention and aim to be the center of everyone's attention, often putting themselves before others. But at its core, NPD is defined by a lack of empathy for others.
This is a form of narcissism that stems from a very close and unhealthy mother-son attachment relationship. Data indicate that men who were raised by narcissistic mothers have a slightly greater risk of becoming narcissistic themselves than men raised by non-narcissistic mothers. This may not come as a surprise.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder may develop due to early trauma or family influences that can leave a person emotionally stuck at a young age. Adult narcissists use sophisticated versions of childlike responses. When seen in this light, the often mystifying and maddening actions of narcissists begin to make sense.
Feeling respected is important in relationships. New research examines the link between narcissism and respecting one's partner. Narcissists who inflate their own self-view by enjoying others' failures tend not to give their partners enough respect.