“Adults with ADHD need the stimulation of dopamine hits because our brains aren't like other people's. In relationship terms, this sometimes means we stir up drama to feel. We become addicted to high levels of stimulation in bad relationships, and, in healthy ones, we feel suffocated.”
Intense emotions and hyperfocus
New relationships or crushes are exciting and (mostly) enjoyable. But for kids with ADHD, that excitement and enjoyment can sometimes go too far. Your child might hyperfocus on the relationship, while schoolwork, sports, family, and friends take a backseat.
Hyperfixation and Dopamine
It's very hard for people with ADHD to move slowly in a relationship because their brains are just so delighted by the way a new relationship makes them feel.
When relationships reach a dreadful stage of being “boring” or “stagnant”, they can become frail. Adults with ADHD can easily lose interest in things that are done in the same old way. Look for new and different ways to bring fun into your relationship, keeping things fresh and anew.
A rush of biochemical euphoria comes with “new love.” Those of us with ADHD often hyperfocus on romance, not just for the sake of romance, but also to increase those pleasure-producing neurotransmitters (dopamine) that are in short supply in our brains. Highly charged emotions are not part of lasting love.
If your child has ADHD, they may be low in dopamine but high in something called dopamine transporters. That's because their low dopamine may actually result from having too many of the transporters that take dopamine out of their brain cells.
Yes, individuals with ADHD can be faithful and have very successful relationships.
Impulsive behavior
Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions. Takeaway: In many cases, someone with adult ADHD won't be able to explain their behavior. This can take a toll on romantic relationships.
It's not an exaggeration to say that ADHD worsens and prolongs the pain of a breakup, even leading to depression and low self-esteem. Getting over a breakup is way more difficult for us than it is for most neurotypical people.
Research shows that some people with ADHD often have trouble identifying and expressing their feelings and emotions, which can result in problems in their social life and relationship. Another thing that can be a struggle for us is heartbreak.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can cause misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments in your closest relationships. But there are ways to build a healthier, happier partnership.
People with ADHD may compulsively seek high-dopamine activities and stimulus to turn their brains on, which is why people with ADHD can be more likely to engage in impulsive and risky behaviors.
But unlike the calculated manipulation that's part of the gaslighting cycle, when an infatuated adult with ADHD focuses 110 percent of their attention on a new partner, this obsession may be neurological rather than psychological. It may not be intentional “love bombing” at all.
“Love bombing” is defined by someone showering their partner with excessive affection, attention, gifts, and flattery in order to gain their trust and dependence.
ADHD and relationships can mean that once you move past the exciting romantic stage into the steady phase, you might find yourself chomping at the bit. Or, worse, sabotaging all and breaking up.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can send your most important relationship off the rails. Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner.
For patients diagnosed with adult ADHD there tends to be a “honeymoon period”, where they are really happy with treatment. They are excited and like 'wow I feel great' / 'this is so much better'.
During the early stages of a relationship, the partner affected by ADHD can focus intensely on the romance and the new partner. This sends the message that the new partner is the center of the person's world. It typically generates feelings of connection, love and validation, and the relationship seems to grow quickly.
A person with ADHD often seeks out a partner whose natural skills include organization and attention to detail. If that's yoau, it may feel "normal" for you to jump in and help out where there is a need because you are good at it.
Advice for men with ADHD
Work with your partner, and perhaps a counselor, to come up with alternative interactions about experiences that cause you pain. These might include verbal cues, scheduling emotional discussions rather than having them on the fly, and improving mindfulness when you are putting yourself down.