The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate's desirability. “Playing hard to get makes it seem as if you are more in demand—we call that having higher mate value,” says Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and Dean's Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.
While many of us probably have our own personal successes and failures with the hard-to-get approach, modern science is finally ready to weigh in on the debate. A new study from the University of Rochester concludes that yes, playing hard to get does in fact increase a potential mate's perceived desirability.
“Specifically, the most attractive physical features fall under 'self-care'—things like good grooming, clean hair, nice fitting and quality clothing, good posture, and healthy weight.” We are more likely to search out a partner who is healthy and strong (which mean good genes), as well as capable of taking care of ...
Findings: Attachment style and playing hard-to-get
Analysis of results showed women were more willing than men to play hard-to-get. Men, in comparison, were more interested in pursuing someone who played hard-to-get.
Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. "You're trying to pull them in when you sleep with them, laugh with them, do things with them, but you're being overly casual about it," says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why We Love.
As the research indicates, playing hard to get is a useful strategy… under the right conditions. Put simply, playing hard to get works when your potential partner is already interested and when they think you are "likable" and nice but are not yet passionate about you.
Our partner may naturally interpret our ambivalent behavior towards them as a sign they are being rejected. Accordingly, playing hard to get is more likely to backfire on us.
While men seem to be genetically predisposed to be attracted to women in their mid-to-late-20s, women tend to be attracted to men around their ages, if not older; this means men in their 30s have the best of both worlds. Men in their 30s are attractive to a wide range of women, from 20-somethings to women in their 40s.
Research has often been cited to back up the idea that, perhaps because of their higher testosterone levels, men think more about sex, seek it more actively, and get turned on more easily. Men's sexuality is like an on-off switch, while women's sexuality is a complicated network of connections.
The researchers found that ratings of physical attractiveness peaked at 30 and then gradually declined as people aged. A study published in the journal "Evolution and Human Behavior" found that men and women are considered most attractive in their late teens and early twenties.
Vice magazine's article by Michelle Malia entitled “Playing Hard to Get is Effective, According to Psych Researchers” cites a study by psychologists Elliott Aronson and Darwyn Linder which concluded “[people will] be more attracted to someone who initially didn't like [them] but whose affection [they] won, compared to ...
She may not even regard you as her boyfriend yet. She just wants to take her time to build friendship and understand what she's getting into. As psychologist Omri Gillath said, “Some people play hard to get because they can't trust anyone — and they do whatever they can to protect themselves from getting hurt again.”
A girl playing hard to get, will want to look hard to get. It's her way of showing you she has many options to choose from and could be taken by someone else at any moment. She might bring along some good-looking friends to a party to make you jealous.
ED can happen at any age, but it's more common in older men. By the time a man is in his 40s, he has about a 40% chance of having experienced ED. That risk increases by about 10% for each decade of life—a 50% chance in his 50s, a 60% chance in his 60s, and so on (Ferrini, 2017).
Because each guy is different, it's impossible to say what's a "normal" number of erections. Some guys experience many erections each day, whereas others may not experience any. Hormones fluctuate with age, sexual maturity, level of activity, and even the amount of sleep a guy gets.
After surveying over 16,000 individuals across eight different countries who were all asked at what ages they think men and women are most beautiful, the data found that the overall average age where women are found to be most attractive is 28.
The graphs show a worrying sliding scale where both 20-year-old and 49-year-old men both cite women aged 20 as what they find the most attractive. The age of a woman men find most attractive never makes it above 24.
However, it's not all about looks and wealth. Research shows that humor and kindness are also characteristics which women find attractive in a man. Clear skin and masculine features are often cited as two physical characteristics which women find desirable in men.
It's an immature tactic
Playing hard to get isn't the strategy you should be using if you're looking for a serious relationship. At most, this mind game is likely to get you an exciting fling. Long-term relationships can't be built by feigning disinterest and pretending you don't care.
Many people believe playing hard to get will make someone interested in them. In fact, there is no evidence to suggest this is true. Instead of making you seem appealing, it can make people like you less. Rather than being disinterested, you should be selective.
The experts we talked to say playing hard to get can at times lead to growth or spice in a relationship. But they also caution to use this tactic carefully, if at all — because it can easily backfire. In any relationship, manipulation is not advised.