Boost Their Ego This is probably the last thing you want to do when this person is making your life miserable. But trust me: flattery, positive language, and compliments go a long way. Narcissists are incredibly insecure and needy: they crave constant reinforcement of their importance.
Narcissists crave praise but view it as scarce. As a result, they are unlikely to praise others freely or completely.
Narcissists may use praise to control others by manipulating their sense of self-worth and relational security. Narcissists may use praise as love, as intimacy, or as unearned entitlement, and they may pair praise with abuse to disempower others.
They view someone offering a compliment as a set-up for them to be harmed or indebted in some way. Narcissists view compliments as a “one-up" dominance move. Accepting or being at the receiving end of a compliment causes them to feel vulnerable and not in control.
In fact, narcissists prefer to target someone who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire, because they believe it makes them shine too.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Compliment them when they are warm. And compliment them for their warmth — not for achievement or performance. From Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — and Surprising Good — About Feeling Special: …
In some cases, people who fish for compliments have an actual personality disorder—like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with those conditions typically find it hard to control their impulses and may show attention-seeking tendencies.
Using praise as affection fosters insecurity in others and gives the narcissist control over their sense of relational safety and self-worth.
Narcissists are self-obsessed and control others for their personal gain; they're notorious for using a few specific tactics for getting and maintaining this control. First, narcissists guarantee success by targeting codependents: They also try to make others feel special using compliments and flattery.
Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.
Narcissists rely on praise and admiration to gain a sense of emotional stability that they did not receive in the past. Accumulating these compliments not only satisfies this but also fuels their grandiosity and ego.
But this was not the case for narcissists—they were significantly more satisfied with partners who met their ideals for attractiveness, status, and vitality. This shows that not only do narcissists value “trophy” traits in a partner, but they are happier with their relationships when they obtain those traits.
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
Thus, narcissists may pay special attention to their appearance, leading to observable manifestations such as matching, fashionable clothes, and a tidy, organized appearance.
This includes narcissists. Now and then the things that happen when a narcissist sees you looking good is that they become aware of their jealousy and resentment and begin to dig into why. They then work at changing that part of themselves that resents the success of others and craves all the attention.
So if you work with a narcissist, don't try to lower their confidence. Just temper it with humility. Don't tell them they're not great. Instead, remind them that they're human, they haven't succeeded alone, and what sets the best apart is that they're always striving to get better.
Indeed, we knew from prior work that narcissists fantasize about having power over others, and that their sense of self-worth fluctuates based on others' respect and admiration. To understand what narcissists want, it is critical to examine what makes them feel good and bad.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.