Narcissists are notorious for having extreme reactions, and the way they respond to divorce can be apocalyptic. Even if the narcissist wanted the divorce, the fact that the marriage ended tarnishes their image and makes them feel shame.
Narcissists tend to put up a strong fight and view divorce as a competition they must win. This adversarial attitude can result in bullying, exploitative behavior, and a refusal to negotiate rationally.
Divorcing a narcissist is a long and arduous process, drought with pain and obstacles. They are calculating, and will go to extreme lengths to punish their spouses for leaving them while simultaneously playing the victim to everyone else. They care very much about how they appear to others.
A narcissist after divorce is still a narcissist, and she will likely continue to try to make your life difficult while putting herself on a pedestal. If you have child custody, child support, or spousal maintenance order, it's possible your ex will try to return to court at some point to have these modified.
They WILL move on quickly because narcissists tend to view other people (including their partners) as conveniences — and once you are no longer useful, they will move on.
How Did Narcissists Feel About the Breakup? Both narcissistic admiration and narcissistic rivalry were related to feeling more anger right after the breakup. This is consistent with the tendency for narcissists to be especially hostile when they're rejected.
Narcissists will go silent or absent after a divorce when someone else is captivated by them and is supplying their insatiable need for attention. This is a good time to breathe and regather strength. Eventually, when the relationship sours, the narcissist will double up their focus on their ex-spouse.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
One way to outsmart a narcissist in a divorce is to try to anticipate their next move. You can do this by taking what might seem like extraordinary measures to protect yourself. For example, this might mean talking through a map of all possible vulnerabilities that you have.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.
While people with narcissism aren't devoid of emotions, their motivations may be self-focused. They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness.
Key points. Narcissists do not feel guilty about abusing their loved ones because they convince themselves that whatever they do is justified. Narcissistic defenses are designed to distort reality and protect narcissists from seeing their flaws and mistakes.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually – or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.
Now you might have a clearer image on why they won't let the divorce be an easy and amicable process. A narcissist will avoid divorce because they will have to let go of the person they think they have full control over. They feel entitled to something other than what's best for everyone.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Can a narcissist have a happy marriage? Unfortunately, the answer is almost always “no.” The photos and the couple's public behavior show one thing, while something much less appealing is going on behind the scenes.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce. So, what's the reason for this high rate of divorce involving this one personality type?
Effects of Being Married to a Narcissist
Being married to a narcissist can affect your life in a variety of ways. It can impact your relationships, self-esteem, finances, and ability to be independent. Moreover, it can lead to negative effects on your mental and physical health.
But as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, narcissists often have a habit of staying in contact with their exes in a way that is solely about their own needs. "The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it...
Do narcissists regret discarding or losing someone? It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.
Narcissists get over their exes very quickly. In a survey we conducted among 300 people who experienced narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship, we discovered that the average amount of time it took for a narcissist to get over their ex was three-and-a-half weeks.