ˈyes-ˌman. : a person who agrees with everything that is said. especially : one who endorses or supports without criticism every opinion or proposal of an associate or superior.
Causes of people-pleasing
Low self-esteem: People who feel they are worth less than others may feel their needs are unimportant. They may advocate for themselves less or have less awareness of what they want. They may also feel that they have no purpose if they cannot help others.
Fawning or people-pleasing can often be traced back to an event or series of events that caused a person to experience PTSD, more specifically Complex PTSD, or C-PTSD.
People pleasing isn't a mental illness, but it can be an issue that adversely affects how many people, with or without mental illness, relate to others. Most of all, people pleasers try to nourish other people without adequately nourishing themselves.
The people pleaser personality type is desperate to feel important and needed. Their lack of self worth, confidence and self-belief, makes it almost impossible for them to set and maintain healthy boundaries with others.
People Pleasers spend so much time and effort in taking care of others. Unfortunately, they often do not establish good social support for themselves. They also find it hard to give up control and let other people take care of them. While taking care of others in noble and rewarding, it can also be toxic and unhealthy.
A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety.
'Yes-Ministers' are the blue-eyed boys of most bosses. They are loved and even trusted by their managers for their 'never say no' attitude. Even during the recruitment process, they are the preferred lot. Insecure managers and leaders tend to hire 'yes-men' because they feel safe and comfortable with them.
Essentially, a “yes man” is a people-pleaser.
You tend to always put others' needs before you own, at your own expense. It's not a glamorous job. Unfortunately, becoming a people-pleaser is actually a dangerous path, as it can affect your physical, mental and social well-being.
As a yes person, there are some definite advantages, but there are some things to be wary of as well! You will gain a reputation with superiors as being dependable and trustworthy. If you are a yes person, chances are, you do high quality work in a timely fashion.
At their best, yes-people are open-minded, open-hearted, well-intentioned folks who just want to be loved and/or seize the day. And because saying yes is easier than saying no, declining can make things difficult and it's done too often, the choice can reflect on you negatively.
The truth is you really don't value their opinion; what you value is an echo. Yes people maybe okay for some situations (putting out an ongoing dangerous fire), but they are not good for business. In fact, yes people are especially not good for you if you are their manager.
People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. “I am only worthy of love if I give everything to someone else” is one common belief associated with people-pleasing, Myers says.
People-pleasing is not the same as genuine kindness; being kind is a form of self-expression. People-pleasing is a fundamentally dependent behavior and can backfire. However, helping others with the expectation of getting something back is a contract.
The first self-sabotaging habit we might engage in is people-pleasing behavior. People pleasing refers to putting other people as our first priority. It is when we let others use our time, resources and energy first, while we are left with just a tiny bit of time and energy to tend to our own needs.
ESFJ. Those who are extroverted, sensing, feeling, and judging are often identified as one of the kindest types by experts. "ESFJs have extroverted feeling as a dominant cognitive function," Gonzalez-Berrios says. "This makes them rule by their hearts.
It is not. The neglect of others (narcissism) is selfish and causes unnecessary distance, confrontation and lack of intimacy. The neglect of self (people pleasing) creates unwanted exhaustion, increased anxiety and also contributes to a lack of intimacy.
While people pleasing or “being too nice” could be seen as a sign of someone who is a really good person and cares for others, their ability to bend backwards for other people, not say no and struggle to have boundaries with others can actually be a big red flag and cause issues in a relationship in the long term if ...
It's not easy to break what is often a life-long habit. People-pleasers can work to shift their perspectives and make changes. If you or a loved one is struggling to break these habits, seek help. A mental health professional can help build mental strength and give guidance to create a more positive mindset.
Adults may display sleep problems, increased agitation, hypervigilance, isolation or withdrawal, and increased use of alcohol or drugs. Older adults may exhibit increased withdrawal and isolation, reluctance to leave home, worsening of chronic illnesses, confusion, depression, and fear (DeWolfe & Nordboe, 2000b).
The tendency to please is related to Dependent Personality Disorder. While the people-pleaser may not need others to do things for them, they do have a need for others, regardless. The pleasing personality is also related to the Masochistic Personality type, which also corresponds with Dependent Personality.