Scapegoats are often naturally sensitive and may have low self-esteem—traits that keep them stuck in the scapegoat role. If you feel like you are an easy target in your social circle, you must abandon this role in order to enjoy greater emotional health. Start by addressing any guilt you feel.
Many times, healing the scapegoat role on a personal level is about deep healing of trauma, empowerment, and a place to process emotion and find safety in relationship. Healing the scapegoat role in community means learning how to forge new relationships of repair and effective emotional communication.
Helplessness Or A Lack Of Control. People who feel helpless or out of control in their personal lives may search for other ways to express their frustration if they don't have healthy coping mechanisms. For some, this may take the form of choosing to inflict physical or emotional harm on others to feel in control.
Criminals will select their victims based on their habits, predictability and ability to control the situation. Targets that are constantly distracted by cell phones, music or are unaware of their surrounds are prime victims.
Healing from shame requires a high level of awareness when the Inner Scapegoat has been activated – challenging negative and self-punitive beliefs, and truthfully reframing victimizing experiences. Scapegoats must consistently stand up to the idea that they are bad or unlovable. This will likely take a lot of practice.
For Girard, scapegoats are always innocent of the specific charges laid against them; the accusations are always false; scapegoating is always a heinous act of injustice.
Like the strong goat Aaron selected, the target of family scapegoating is also often the strongest and healthiest member of the family. At first blush, this may sound counterintuitive. But think about it a little more.
More typically amongst scapegoats, 'No Contact' is open ended, meaning it will be retracted if their abusers acknowledge mistreatment and make a commitment to not engage in abusive behavior again.
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.
Scapegoating is a common form of parental verbal abuse. Research shows that scapegoating allows a parent to think of the family as healthier than it is. Scapegoating lets a parent minimize responsibility for and explain negative outcomes, enhancing a sense of control.
Family Scapegoating Abuse occurs when your primary caregivers or other important 'power holders' in the family (grandparents, dominant siblings or extended family members) single you out as being 'defective' and repeatedly give you the message that you are 'bad', 'different', or 'not good enough'.
Often, the sibling who was perceived as the favorite will be the target of family scapegoating–a practice that can leave one with great degrees of trauma, including PTSD.
Although the strengths of the narcissistic family scapegoat make her/him a target, they are also her/his salvation. Scapegoats' ability to see and question, along with their desire for justice, enable them to escape the family tyranny when others cannot.
The “plebs” might resent them, but a scapegoat is a victim that can be safely attacked.
In simple terms, a scapegoat is someone unfairly targeted with projected shame, rage, and blame by another person or group. In an emotionally illiterate or volatile narcissistic family, it is common for one child to be singled out for ongoing scapegoating.
The narcissist charms everyone around them. They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
One of the most telling signs of a struggle is the victim having defensive wounds. Investigators look for bruises, cuts, and swelling around the body. In particular, the wrists and arms. It is a person's instinct to protect their head, so wounds around the hands and arms are the first place to look.
Criminals are more likely to victimize individuals who appear meek or not confident, as they expect these persons to put up less of a fight or struggle in defending themselves and their property. To avoid being marked as meager, portray confidence by walking tall, and make eye contact with those around you.
Stand up for yourself if ignoring doesn't work.
Do not engage in the same type of behavior they bully is doing, instead stand tall and address the words the bully is saying head on. Say something to the effect of “Stop!” If the person is calling you a strange name provide them with your name “My name is actually Mark.