Stand up to it – the only way to overcome this kind of behaviour is to stop responding to it. Try to acknowledge what you're feeling and simply sit with it, without responding in the usual way. You'll notice that the anxiety dissipates in its own time.
Consistently seeking reassurance in relationships can stem from the anxieties that our partners do not care or love us in the way that we ideally expect them to. Going back to the anxious attachment style, people might feel insecurity about their relationships based on a worry that partners might leave.
Most people need reassurance once in a while, but people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) tend to seek reassurance excessively. People with anxiety disorders or dependent personality disorder may also engage in excessive reassurance-seeking.
You're not alone — many people may experience doubt in a relationship and may occasionally need reassurance. Your need for reassurance could stem from general self-esteem issues or a history of toxic relationships.
Your partner needs constant validation and reassurance
Dating a partner who needs constant validation and reassurance is a massive red flag.
Seeking reassurance from friends and family is a normal thing to do and a normal response to stressful or uncertain situations.
One way to break this Reassurance Cycle is to reduce our checking and reassurance behaviours to a more helpful level, and to practice tolerating and accepting some of the uncertainty and anxiety that goes along with not checking or seeking reassuring information.
However, people with sticky minds sometimes get caught in what we call Reassurance Traps, unable to accept doubts in some context. This can take the form of endless internet “research,” repetitive checking behaviors, and eventually alienating others with relentless reassurance-seeking conversations.
Relationship OCD, or rOCD, is a newly recognized type of obsessive-compulsive disorder that is primarily concerned with fears and doubts about one's relationship, typically of an intimate or romantic nature.
If you find yourself needing reassuring presence or validation, it doesn't mean you're an insecure person; it simply means you're human. It takes courage to reach out and ask for support when needed. You might start a conversation with something like, “I'm feeling a need for some reassurance (or support).
Excessive reassurance-seeking is driven by anxiety and acts to worsen and perpetuate it. This can cause personal and carer exhaustion, present challenges to the practitioner–patient relationship and result in unnecessary referrals, investigations, procedures or discharge.
The best way to ask for reassurance without sounding needy is by keeping the communication open and honest. That means talking about your needs and feelings. It means not just asking, but also being open to receiving.
The Problem with Reassurance Seeking
The problem with reassurance is that, in the short term, it is decreases your anxiety. However, in the long term, it creates a vicious cycle that worsens your anxiety and increases your need for more reassurance.
Reassurance-seeking behaviors are habitual attempts to reduce doubt and uncertainty, and usually take the form of repeatedly asking questions, mentally reviewing an event or thought, and frequently looking for evidence that he or she is not going to make a mistake.
The stress response cycle is your body's natural response to stress. It's broken into three stages: alarm, resistance, and exhaustion.
Some adults with OCD are afraid that they have done or thought something “bad”, and therefore feel a strong urge to confess all of their thoughts to friends or family (for example, telling a loved one that “I just had a thought about pushing someone into the street”).
Encourage Treatment
OCD treatment mainly involves exposure and response prevention (ERP), a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy where the patient is gradually exposed to their OCD triggers in a safe and controlled environment and taught healthy coping skills to prevent compulsive behaviors.
1. Overly controlling behavior. Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you.