So how do you stop overexplaining? First and foremost, be patient with yourself, Nobrega says. Celebrate the moments when you do set a boundary without chronicling your reasoning in painstaking detail. Most importantly, learn to sit with the discomfort of disappointing others.
In fact, it's a trauma response known as fawning. At its core, Caroline Fenkel, LCSW, chief clinical officer at Charlie Health, says that fawning (aka over-explaining yourself) is an attempt to avoid conflict.
Over-explaining is a nervous habit, and it's one that comes from fear: Fear of delivering a message that could sound harsh. Fear of taking a strong position that isn't 100% bulletproof. Fear of not making sense. Fear of people thinking your idea is dumb.
You may see over-explaining as a way to be honest or to boost another person's emotional state. It could also be that you are a chattier person, especially when you feel you can contribute to the situation, and, once stimulated, you talk too much.
According to Banks, overexplaining can be a trauma response and can develop as a result of gaslighting. She adds that anxiety or ADHD can also lead to overexplaining and it can happen to those who grew up with a strict upbringing where “you had to justify your choices”.
With ADHD, you might overexplain when you're talking about something you're passionate about and you really just want the other person to know about it too. Or, you're caught in the midst of racing thoughts and you just can't stop talking.
We're trying to ease our own feeling of guilt.
Choosing something another person might not like can prompt feelings of guilt in us. When we feel guilty about our decision, we often turn to explanations and excuses to convince the other person and ourselves that we have a very good reason for choosing the way we did.
overexplained; overexplaining. transitive + intransitive. : to explain (something) to an excessive degree.
If you're highly self-conscious or socially anxious, worrying about being perceived as a “toxic person” might lead you to under-share your needs and to a lack of connection with others. On the other hand, oversharing may be a trauma response or a sign that you are ready for or need support.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” – Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW.
When we experience something traumatic, we are usually deeply impacted by it, and sometimes there is considerable damage done to our mental, emotional and physical health. Over time, we can become desensitized to trauma in various ways.
Over-explaining means describing something to an excessive degree, whereas oversharing is the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of information and detail about your personal life.
This is a dangerous way to live because it means that other people's opinions are dictating your self-worth. When you often feel that you have to justify yourself to other people, it might make you feel bad about yourself and cause anxiety.
Unless you've committed a crime, or have a set of duties you are paid to do, there is no reason you need to be explaining yourself to anyone.
Justifying one's behavior can be a defense mechanism for dealing with their actions or how their actions impacted and hurt other people. Accountability is something easily prescribed to others but harder to swallow for yourself. It is, of course, important to understand why people respond the way that they do.
The psychological theory that causes us to self-justify regardless of the reality of our actions is called cognitive dissonance. Proposed by psychologist, Leon Festinger, cognitive dissonance is centered on our need to achieve internal consistency.
Over-explaining is usually done unconsciously as a way to control anxiety. Most people want the approval of others and don't want to let people down, so they attempt to avoid judgment and/or disappointing people by explaining things in great detail to make them understand why they did or said something.
1. in ethics, the process of determining right actions and appropriate beliefs. 2. in clinical psychology, defensive intellectualization, as in making an excuse for an action, cognition, or affect that one knows to be or is considered to be wrong or indefensible.
Self-righteous, or if that's two words, sanctimonious.
Engaging in any type of explanation of your decisions or actions is not effective with the narcissist. He or she is not capable of trying to see any other perspective than the one they hold to be true. They are incapable of seeing their own bad behaviors, and it is simply easier to blame you.
The ADHD brain also gets easily consumed. This means ADHD and overthinking kind of go hand in hand. The ADHD brain grasps hold of your thoughts and runs away with them, while emotions keep the engine running.
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition characterized by high levels of hyperactivity/impulsivity and inattention that affects up to 10% of school-age children.
Obsessing and ruminating are often part of living with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). No matter how hard you try to ignore them, those negative thoughts just keep coming back, replaying themselves in an infinite loop.