Give a clear account of the infidelity without using vague language. Say "I had sex with this person on three different occasions," and not "I hooked up with this person a few times." Don't leave anything open to interpretation and don't try to soften the blow by lying.
Though confessing to what you did doesn't minimize the fact that you cheated, it does prevent the damage that could be caused by keeping a secret. So here's your damage control plan, according to Skyler: Tell them, take accountability, be remorseful, and try to move forward by re-building trust.
Confess to your partner.
Own up to that honestly. The focus should be on you. Instead of saying “You didn't make me feel good in our relationship, so I cheated,” you should phrase it more like “I was feeling insecure in our relationship and I made a mistake. I cheated.”
Confessing is crucial if you're invested in someone other than your partner, she adds. That's because your affair could be a sign that some elements—say, sexual intimacy or other kinds of closeness—are missing from your current relationship, and you'll need to address them if you want your union to survive.
Admittedly, sometimes people choose to cheat because they're in a bad relationship and want out. Sometimes they feel stuck because of kids, finances, social mores, or whatever. So they sneak around to get their needs for connection, intimacy, and validation met by someone other than their spouse.
Disclosing your affair might not make your partner feel better. If you want to tell your partner about a one-time act of infidelity to make them feel better, that gesture could be misplaced. According to Nelson, someone who feels guilty for cheating is usually better off keeping the affair under wraps.
Again, if you want to save your relationship, you need to tell your partner about your cheating, preferably with therapeutic assistance. The most precious element of your relationship is trust, and that is violated not just when you cheat, but when you lie and keep secrets about the cheating.
And yet, the real answer to this significant question is this: It is absolutely possible that your partner does love you, did love you before, and will continue to love you in the future. Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them.
Despite experiencing the different types of infidelity differently, men and women are about equally willing to forgive their partner. And the new findings show that the degree of forgiveness is not related to the type of infidelity.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
Stick with the truth.
Try to be as straightforward as possible and do not leave out any details. You may think that leaving out some of the details of your affair may be a good idea, but only offering up a partial confession will end up making you feel worse.
Some look at cheating as a black and white issue and others as one with many shades of grey. These differing viewpoints can cause big problems in any relationship. The question as to whether cheating is ever justified is both an ethical and moral one. The general answer for most is, “no”, it is never okay.
No matter how many other people you've been with, your anatomy won't change. There is no way to tell that someone had sex with another person purely through how sex feels with them.
The researchers put it this way: Cheating is associated with feelings of self-satisfaction, and the boost in positive affect from cheating persists even when prospects for self-deception about unethical behavior are reduced.
An analysis revealed eight key reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance.
Forgiving is a Step Toward Trusting Again
To rebuild a relationship after infidelity or have success with future relationships, people need to trust each other. Cheating shatters trust and the ability to trust, and forgiveness is one step you need to rebuild it.
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).