They call you heartless and uncaring. "How could you not already have a gift for me?" When you explain that you thought it would be better (and maybe more fun) if you went together to get a gift for him/her, they see this as an insult.
For the rest of your relationship, the narcissist will bring up the time that you said a gift was too expensive. They will especially be prone to bringing it up during arguments or when you are around their friends and family, just to embarrass you and put you "in your place."
Narcissists have low self-esteem and feel better about themselves when they buy others gifts. However, they're not above buying something they know you'll give back because you don't want it. That way, they get something they want because they're most important!
Many narcissists will use gifts as leverage in their relationships instead of a way to show affection and that they care… and here are three reasons why it serves their selfish desires.
Bottom Line. Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities.
Narcissists believe that they deserve the best, regardless of cost. Hence, they may recklessly purchase status items and indulge in expensive experiences to make them feel like VIPs. Narcissists may donate generously to a cause or to helping others out in order to reflect well on themselves.
They may bombard you with expensive gifts, compliments, love calls and messages, passion, and undivided attention. Your narcissistic partner will put you on their love pedestal. This overabundance of love can be highly intoxicating, making you wonder what you have done to deserve such indescribable happiness.
In addition, narcissists are often grandiose when it comes to self-serving, unnecessary expenditures. They may splurge on a luxurious vacation and share many pics on social media. But, they'll also skimp on essentials like rent. I'll give you a real-life example.
For a narcissist to be happy, you'll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you'll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity.
On the other end of the spectrum, however, there are narcissists who don't like their birthdays because they are reminders of ageing, or they find them overly emotional. In these instances, any kind of thoughtful or emotional gesture is likely to be rejected harshly.
Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled.
Attention-seeking behavior—positive or negative—is essentially narcissistic supply. Wanting attention, accolades, and validation are not inherently narcissistic. We all need to feel heard and accepted, but narcissists crave this attention constantly.
Narcissists, however, may show off their wealth to other people. Their loved ones may receive amazing gifts during the holidays, or they may donate a considerable amount of money. The primary goal of these people isn't to be generous. Instead, they are trying to impress others.
They are punitive with money. Narcissists often use money as a tool for punishment. They may reward you financially when you do what they want, and then withhold money when they feel vindictive. This can feel unsafe, degrading and confusing.
Some narcissists learn that kindness feeds their need for admiration. They learn to make public acts of kindness, then bask in the glow of “adoration”. Their thoughts focussed on themselves, not the recipient. This is why they may demand your thanks, a thousand times.
A Narcissist's Gift to You is Really a Gift to Herself
Specifically, narcissists give gifts with an eye to maintaining a relationship with the giver and to maintaining control in that relationship.
Embezzling Cash
Narcissists may take out cash advances on credit card accounts or other lines of credit. They may spend it shortly thereafter, or sock it away into a secret bank account, or maybe stash it in a secret hiding spot somewhere in your home.
There are four ways a narcissist expresses anger: Aggressive This can be instantaneously in the form of verbal lashings, throwing objects, threats of harm, yelling, being argumentative, unyielding in opinions, repetitive speech, twisting the truth, and intimidation.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
They tend to want to be the best and seem the happiest at the expense of another person's well-being. You might notice that they use detrimental behavior to devalue the happy people around them. This is likely because they want to stand out and do what they can to gain higher status and make others unhappy.
Unexpected Generosity
Narcissists may actually be very “generous.” You may envision a narcissist as a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of lover who is only out to have his or her own orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep. Some people fit this description. Others are much the opposite, though.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
Because money and material wealth are highly important to narcissists, they often become a focal point of their relationships—sometimes resulting in financial abuse.