Jay Reid February 10, 2023. 0 Comments. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent and felt devalued most of the time then you were that parent's scapegoat. The scapegoat is someone who must embody what the narcissistic parent cannot stand in themselves.
Scapegoated children who become narcissistic have typically been trained to submit to the dominance of a more overtly narcissistic parent (and perhaps sibling) and as a result learn to cloak their rage, superiority, and desire for control into passive aggression.
The narcissistic parent wants the scapegoated child to believe they are as horrible as they are being told. If the child shows a sense of self-worth or self-possession the narcissistic parent will take this as an affront to their authority.
Examples of Scapegoating
A person who blames his or her partner for a burglary because he or she left the door unlocked or left a valuable possession visible is scapegoating. Some scapegoating campaigns, however, have been so extensive that they have had disastrous sociopolitical and human rights consequences.
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.
Like the strong goat Aaron selected, the target of family scapegoating is also often the strongest and healthiest member of the family.
A scapegoat may be an adult, child, sibling, employee, peer, ethnic, political or religious group, or country. A whipping boy, identified patient, or "fall guy" are forms of scapegoat.
Scapegoats often have trouble feeling safe in relationships – especially intimate relationships – due to the massive betrayal of trust in their family. They can also have challenges managing emotions, and find they either feel overwhelmed and anxious, or shut down and not know how they are feeling.
A narcissist will decide who their scapegoat is based on their own fears, feelings of jealousy, sense of inadequacy and insecurities. From a narcissist's perspective, a scapegoat is someone who somehow triggers their fears, feelings of jealousy, sense of inadequacy and insecurities.
Scapegoats are chosen because some part of their identity reminds the narcissist of all the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that they have suppressed within themselves. So, when a narcissist attacks their scapegoat, what they are really doing is attacking the parts of themselves that they find unacceptable.
Narcissism tends to emerge as a psychological defence in response to excessive levels of parental criticism, abuse or neglect in early life. Narcissistic personalities tend to be formed by emotional injury as a result of overwhelming shame, loss or deprivation during childhood.
They do this by seeing themselves as the healer and fixer of you. It is at this point that the scapegoat becomes the identified patient in the social group. They use the idea of themselves as a good person for focusing on helping and fixing you to further avoid their own pain.
Childhood scapegoats may end up in relationships with someone NPD because it feels familiar, verbal abuse is normal to them, and they're used to being treated this way. Low self-esteem. The combination of being shamed, verbally abused, and humiliated can create challenges with self-esteem.
For individuals, scapegoating is a psychological defense mechanism of denial through projecting responsibility and blame on others. [2] It allows the perpetrator to eliminate negative feelings about him or herself and provides a sense of gratification.
The purpose of a scapegoat is to pass responsibility onto someone else. Usually, this person is unsuspecting at first and agrees because they are trying to get along with others. This technique of passing the buck is very common with narcissists, sociopaths, and addicts.
When a scapegoat leaves their family of origin they are going to experience a lot of invalidation, devaluation, dehumanization, and chaos that is designed to manipulate them back into the abuse cycle and remain a repository for the family's negative emotions.
If the scapegoat has left home, then the narcissist must find someone to take over their role. A narcissist must have a scapegoat to vent their anger and frustration on, and to project on all their faults and flaws. Someone else in the family will have to take on this role. But they won't like it.
When they grow up, scapegoated children may experience the following: Difficulty expressing their needs: From a young age, the scapegoat child learned to hold things inside. Anything they said could and would often be used against them.
Speak up for yourself when you are scapegoated.
I told you that I will not be held responsible for your financial troubles.” Keep in mind that after changing your boundaries, people will likely test your boundaries. They may try hard to make you give in, but it is important to hold firm in your boundaries.
The golden child makes the parent feel accomplished and successful, allowing the parent to ignore their feelings of unworthiness; The scapegoat allows the parent to ignore the fact that they are the problem.
If you find yourself constantly being blamed for things outside of your control, rarely getting praised, or persistently feeling belittled in front of others, it could be a sign that you may have become the scapegoat for your family.