At its very heart, stonewalling is often a behavior born out of fear, anxiety, and frustration. Some reasons a person may resort to stonewalling include: Generalized avoidance of conflict (emotional passivity) Desire to reduce tension in an emotionally-charged situation.
Acknowledge that the only way a stonewaller's patterns will change is if they are willing to change them. If you're the only one willing to work on the relationship, reconsider it. Aggressive stonewallers sometimes act like victims to protect themselves.
For the person being stonewalled, it can leave them feeling confused, hurt and angry. It can wear down on their self-esteem, leading them to feel worthless or hopeless. For the person stonewalling, they also suffer as they are denying themselves emotional intimacy with their partner.
Men are consistently more likely to stonewall than women. They will withdraw emotionally from conflict discussions while women remain emotionally engaged. 85% of stonewallers studied in the Love Lab were men. When women stonewall, it is quite predictive of divorce.
It's often very frustrating for the person on the receiving end who might want to know what's wrong but be unable to get an answer – if it continues it can lead to them feeling resentful. Stonewalling can also be used as a form of control in a relationship.
The “stonewaller” personality is the behavior of an individual who tends to shut down during an argument and refuses to communicate or even cooperate. This person is emotionally closed off, and at times it could be extremely hard to reach them.
Stonewalling is the refusal to communicate with someone. This means that your spouse refuses to listen to you and your concerns. Stonewalling is one of the most prevalent narcissistic abuse techniques.
A break is usually short while stonewalling can last hours, days, or even longer. Stonewalling is considered a type of psychologically abusive behavior of the passive-aggressive kind. It involves entirely shutting the other person out and ignoring them, which causes them to feel like they are worthless and unimportant.
According to the research of psychologist Dr. John Gottman, stonewalling is a predictor of not only marital conflict and strife but also the end of a relationship.
Gottman and Gottman describe stonewalling as a relationship red flag. Usually used as a direct response to contempt, stonewalling occurs when “the listener withdraws from interaction, shuts down, and stops responding to their partner.”
Emotional stonewalling can have serious consequences for relationships. It creates feelings of isolation, neglect, and frustration in the affected partner. It also makes it difficult to communicate effectively. This leads to further conflict or distance in the relationship.
Stonewalling is a persistent refusal to communicate or to express emotions. It is common during conflicts, when people may stonewall in an attempt to avoid uncomfortable conversations or out of fear that engaging in an emotional discussion will result in a fight.
The consequences of ignoring a partner
What is harmful about stonewalling is the person who is silent has more of the power, explains Ms Khuman. "They are the one that is deciding when the relationship will come back into connection. That's why it is harmful for the relationship, it's an imbalance of power."
Stonewalling, which happens when someone stops communication altogether, is one of the most toxic forms of passive-aggressive behaviors, says Manly. It's also a leading predictor of divorce.
Conclusion. There's no doubt that stonewalling is a very toxic emotional abuse that you shouldn't do to your partner. Stonewalling partner leads to a lot of negative effects on your romantic relationship, which may lead to a divorce or breakup.
This is what is called “stonewalling.” When one person begins stonewalling, usually they are physiologically flooded (mentally / emotionally overwhelmed and overstimulated), which has a number of indicators: increased heart rate, the release of stress hormones into the bloodstream, and even a fight-or-flight response.
Stonewalling may also be a direct result of a disorder, such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism that causes someone to manipulate others by freezing them out. This behavior also becomes manipulative when, despite evidence, a person denies they are stonewalling someone.
Stonewalling Effects on Victim
In fact, Gottman and Levenson (2000) described the presence of stonewalling as one of the surest signs that a relationship might soon end. He observed that stonewalling sends the clear message that the stonewaller is not interested in trying to save, or even work on, the relationship.
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.
Online therapy and couples therapy can be an effective way to get additional support and guidance if you're experiencing stonewalling or other forms of emotional abuse. A therapist may be able to teach you coping strategies and provide a safe space to express your feelings.