If your partner is breadcrumbing you, it is best to confront them or distance yourself from them. They are likely using this tactic because they have no interest in being in a relationship with you at all. Keep yourself busy and keep looking for someone who will truly value your company.
By confronting the breadcrumber, you're showing that you're smarter than they might have expected. You're effectively removing the attention they need to thrive. The second way to fight a breadcrumber is by simply ignoring them. Essentially, you're ghosting the breadcrumber — the same thing they've been doing to you.
But have you heard about breadcrumbing? “In a relationship context, breadcrumbing refers to a person who gives you just enough 'crumbs' of attention or affection to give you hope and keep you on the hook — but not enough to make you feel comfortable or assured the relationship is going well,” explains Dr.
The Red Flags
"[Breadcrumbers] make plans with you but cancel or don't show up, and they seem too busy for you," explains Campbell. "They might even go absent for periods of time." You never know where you stand with them.
Absolutely! When someone breadcrumbs you, they do not see you as a potential, serious partner. They may say things that suggest otherwise, but it's only to string you along. Ignore them.
Breadcrumbing can be a typical behavior of narcissists and other toxic people. Breadcrumbing is usually done through a low-effort text or direct message. The narcissist may breadcrumb with future faking, vaguely referring to some plan for the two of you in the future that will never materialize.
Someone may breadcrumb because they want a genuine relationship. But once the other person starts getting close to them, they withdraw. This pattern isn't usually conscious, but someone with an avoidant attachment style engages in it because it feels familiar, and allows them to keep their defenses up.
Third, breadcrumbing can lead to isolation and loneliness, because it discourages people from dating or seeking new connections. Fourth, it can instill a sense of loss, such as the loss of trust or hope.
Insecurities/Low Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem can cause someone to feel undeserving of attention, which is why breadcrumbing behavior is so common in insecure people. It allows them to maintain distance while still expressing interest, so they're less likely to get hurt.
Breadcrumbing is emotional abuse. It's a pattern of invalidation and manipulation that abusers use to remain in power and control of their victim. Breadcrumbing contributes to the low-self esteem, social withdrawal, confusion, and difficulties concentrating that is common for victims of emotional abuse to experience.
Breadcrumbing examples:
Being attentive and flirty in person but not making a move to hang out again. Sending memes via text or social media with no other communication. Texting frequently but not really getting to know each other. Making ambiguous plans with you that never seem to pan out.
Feigning enthusiasm to meet up but never seriously following through with the plans by pinning down exact dates or coming up with new dates in case of rain checks. Talking about shared interests to show a sense of connection.
If it's truly bothering you, feel free to mute or block them; if it's just the occasional like or fave, unless you're actually interested in reinitiating contact or getting back together, don't respond in kind. Try not to interpret it as anything but a reminder of their presence in the world, and move on.
"If the person 'breadcrumbing' you is someone you're interested in seeing, I would recommend texting back something like, 'Hey! My day's going great. I actually have some free time this Saturday and Sunday — would you like to grab a coffee?' " Kybartas says.
Ultimately it may be a power move. Taylor Lorenz suggests that it is a subtle reminder that the person is still there, and has not gone away. You're keeping someone somewhat connected, while not totally writing them off. Orbiting might also be a response for someone that is suffering from FOMO, or fear of missing out.
"If a person asks really general information about you, rather than specifics, they are breadcrumbing," says relationship expert Suzanne Venker over email. Someone who is interested wants to have more meaningful conversations, even if it takes them a little bit longer to respond.
Breadcrumbing can lead to hurt feelings and sleepless nights. Still, it's not as directly manipulative as gaslighting, which alienates the victim from friends and themselves with the intent to control.
“... those who experience breadcrumbing remain in a 'standby' state with time, which can often make victims feel excluded. So, compared to ghosting, it is suffered as a more intense ostracism experience, which is why it has more negative effects on mental health.”
Ignoring a narcissist breadcrumber can be challenging because they may try to draw you back in with more breadcrumbs or even escalate their behavior. They may start sending more messages, showing up unexpectedly, or even trying to make you jealous by posting on social media.
"People who breadcrumb do it to boost their own ego. They do not care about other people's feelings. It does not mean there is something wrong with you or that you aren't good enough," says Panganiban.
They Want A Quick Ego Boost
Sending breadcrumb-type messages, whether via text, email, or social media, can, undoubtedly boost the sender's ego a bit, which is why some give in to the temptation to do so. According to a Reddit thread, exes who send breadcrumb messages often do so for the ego boost.
Properly stored, a package of dried bread crumbs will generally stay at best quality for about 8 to 10 months. To maximize the shelf life of opened dried bread crumbs, keep package tightly closed.