If they're accusing you because they're projecting, stay on topic. Narcissists often throw wild accusations out when they themselves have been accused of something. If they're accusing you of something because you've criticized them for something valid and important, don't let them redirect the conversation.
- Do not try to persuade others: People will believe what they want to believe. You may not be able to persuade others whenever somebody lies about you. If you feel like some false information has been spread about you, try to explain yourself but also accept that you cannot change other people's minds.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict
A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego.
Simply put, anything that jeopardizes their basic needs for superiority can quickly irritate them. If you want to know how to infuriate a narcissist, you can look no further than giving them nothing. But you can also stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and refuse their gaslighting strategies.
Don't Engage in Self-Defense
This might sound a bit counterintuitive, but narcissists love to go on the attack whenever presented with the opportunity. By trying to defend yourself against their random baseless attacks on you, you provide them further opportunities to pull you down.
At work, a narcissist might slander a person they believe to be a competitor for a promotion to ensure their success. Or a narcissists insults can tear apart the best of friends so they can step into the damaged relationship as a hero.
In refusing to acknowledge that they have made a mistake, narcissists fail to learn from those mistakes, a recent study from Oregon State University – Cascades found.
Draw attention to a narcissist's contradictions to expose them. Malignant narcissists will share incompatible ideas and statements as it suits them. Whenever you spot an inconsistency, nicely comment on it in a roundabout way without being combative.
Reassure them that it's safe to tell the truth.
Make the situation feel “low stakes” for the narcissist and say they won't be negatively impacted when they tell you what really happened. Tell them that you also won't think less of them if they're anxious, insecure, or worried about their actions or performance.
Narcissists are frightened, fragile people.
Rejection, humiliation, and even the tiniest of defeats can shake them to their core.
If there's one thing narcissists hate, it's being told what to do. When you push them into a situation where they have to answer to someone else, it's like their own personal hell. Figure out a way where you can get the narcissist in your life to be underneath an authority figure to really watch them squirm.
“This happens when, again, there's such an inflated view of the self that you're not able to process and respect the needs, wants, and feelings of others,” says Dr. Hoffman. This lack of empathy in narcissists is what makes their behaviors so inherently hurtful, whether they're “trying” to be hurtful or not.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Narcissists are terrified of being alone, and their greatest fear is abandonment. Setting clear boundaries or not reacting to their chaotic manipulation will cause them to become afraid of losing you even though they may never admit it.
Impose Accountability. Narcissists despise being held accountable for their actions. Everything is always someone else's responsibility unless there is praise to be had for a job well done. A narcissist will fear you if you gain the ability to impose consequences for unwanted behavior.