If you feel confident at this point that you want things to be serious, go ahead and tell them that you're ready to move from a casual to a committed relationship, says Trespicio. "Explain what kind of relationship you want and why, defining what commitment means for you without giving an ultimatum," she suggests.
It's absolutely possible—and not uncommon—for the relationship to become something more. Like all matters of the heart, starting a new relationship doesn't happen instantly. Thankfully, it's easier when you're already on close terms with the person occupying your thoughts.
Have a conversation with your situationship partner. Choose a calm and appropriate setting to discuss your feelings. Be honest, clear, and compassionate while expressing your decision to end the situationship. Avoid blaming or criticising the other person, and focus on your own emotions and needs.
As she says, “in situationships, there's often a lack of clear boundaries, commitment, and labels, making it difficult to know where each person stands”. This lack of clarity can mean you don't always get closure or an official breakup, and this in itself can make it harder to move on.
How long is a situationship supposed to last? Situationships can last for a few days, weeks, months, or even years. Just like in other relationships, there's no expiration date unless one or both of you choose to end the situationship and move on.
Most experts agree that casual relationships usually last anywhere from a few weeks to 3-4 months. If you haven't had the relationship move to exclusivity and commitment by the fourth month, then maybe your partnership doesn't have much of a future beyond being casual.
The Experience of Casual Dating
You are taking things slowly before you decide if you want commitment. You just got out of a serious relationship and don't want a commitment. You want to have fun without the pressure of a committed relationship. You want to keep emotional attachment to a minimum.
In other words, casual dating implies that there's no obligation or commitment between the two of you, and your relationship with one another is light and informal with no strings attached.
In reality, there's never a specific right time for ending a casual relationship or any relationship. It's merely a matter of when it feels it's come to that point. If you don't want the partnership to get serious, you shouldn't allow it to go longer than maybe three months.
It's perfectly fine to start by seeing them once a week. Once you get to know each other, increase the frequency of your meet-ups slowly. You can meet them twice a week if you are attracted to them. Build the connection from there.
"I'd define casual dating as the situation where you're dating one person noncommittally or dating multiple people at once," she says. "Sometimes casual can be the end goal too — I've had casual relationships that have lasted over a year on and off, but that's because we're very honest with each other.
Risks of casual dating:
One person may start to form real romantic feelings or emotional attachment to the other person, and the other person may not feel the same way. If you develop feelings for the other person and they don't feel the same, you can end up getting hurt.
Unfortunately, gender stereotypes can cloud our judgment of who “should” feel what in a casual FWB relationship. Women tend to be labeled as more clingy and emotionally dependent than men, but the truth is that guys can catch feelings after hooking up, too.
Research on the mental health effects of casual sex is mixed. 7 Some studies have found a correlation between casual sex and a variety of negative mental health consequences such as anxiety, sadness, feeling bad about oneself, regret, depression, and poor self-esteem.
Some individuals might feel ready to become exclusive after three or four dates, while for others, it may take ten or more to make that shift. Many sources state that the number of dates is less important than the amount of time spent together and the communication between dates.
“Telling someone about your feelings can help you move the relationship forward,” she says. “If you don't tell them, you might be stuck where you are, or you could end up in the dreaded friend zone.”
The best way to end a situationship is by being completely honest, even if it doesn't feel “nice”. Aim to be respectful, but firm and tell him that the relationship the way it is doesn't work for you. Stay calm and focus on what you want for yourself, not what you wish he would do.
But a situationship ending can be a brutal experience. Sure, commitment may not be present, but you can't take away the pain from a situationship breakup. It hurts just as much as normal breakups do. In some cases, even more.
You might also refer to him as something more detached, like my "plus-one," "prospect" or literally, like, "This is my date." Some prefer the tongue-in-cheek "not-boyfriend." You can be coy ("fancy friend") or a bit crass ("makeout buddy") or cheesy ("this is my luvvah") or even snobbish/fake-French.
You don't need to make a huge declaration or even bring it up on the first date, but clearly saying something like, “I like spending time with you, but I want to make sure you know that I'm not looking for anything serious right now,” will help you articulate your goals and establish your boundaries.