Love bombing is a tactic in which a person uses excessive and disproportionate gestures of affection with the goal of manipulation and establishing control over their partner. This can include elaborate gift-giving, over-complimenting, wanting undivided attention, and other manipulative tactics.
"People who engage in love-bombing are often doing so unconsciously, though they may be aware of the effect their behavior has on others," Behr says. "Someone who love bombs likely experienced a form of this narcissistic abuse in their own childhood, where a parent idealized and devalued them."
The main difference between love bombing and a genuine relationship is that love bombing is usually motivated by self-interest rather than genuine feelings of love and affection. The person may be trying to take advantage of you emotionally, financially, or sexually.
Because it's so intense and all-consuming, love bombing is exhausting and the “bomber” can only sustain it for about six to 12 weeks, Durvasula says. After that initial period, the gifts, compliments, and trips will dry up quickly.
"Most love bombers are doing it unintentionally, or are at least in denial or rationalizing their behavior," Huynh said. Either way, she added, it often serves a self-centered purpose. It's hard to know how you really feel about this person so soon in a relationship.
Love bombing is a manipulation technique often used by narcissists to overwhelm their victim with romantic gestures designed to make you feel more than simply flattered.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Set boundaries to assert your independence. One of the best ways to save yourself from being love-bombed is to speak up. Communicate about your romantic expectations and set clear boundaries. Be clear about what you really want.
Love Bombing as a Narcissistic Attachment Style. Getting hit by a love bomb feels glorious! The lavish attention and affection seems to answer our prayers.
Love bombing is when you are showered with non-stop gifts, compliments, and attention. This begins a cycle of abuse where the love bomber withholds love and attention to manipulate you. Being showered with love can feel so good! It can be an instant confidence boost to feel so wanted and appreciated by someone.
At the core of a typical love bomber is hidden crippling low self-esteem. Some form of childhood trauma, emotional neglect or emotional abuse from previous partners has caused them to develop no internal sense of worth or self-esteem.
Individuals who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) believe they are superior and unique compared to others. Signs you could be dating an individual with NPD include the fact that they have very few or no friends, lack empathy, and often gaslight you.
One of the cruelest realities is that an unhealthy relationship often starts out feeling like the most wonderful romance of your entire life. In some cases, that's thanks to love bombing: a pattern of manipulative, often subtle behaviors your partner performs as acts of love.
“Some common traits of love bombing include providing excessive amounts of attention, admiration, and affection,” explains Alexander Burgemeester, a clinical psychologist and author from Amsterdam, the Netherlands. “The aim of this is to make the recipient feel dependent on and obligated to the individual.”
Love bombing is a tactic some people use to manipulate someone into jumping into a relationship sooner and more seriously than they'd like to. It's typically done by people who have a history of being in abusive relationships, are narcissists, or have an anxious attachment style.
A love bomb refers to when a narcissistic person “bombs” you with an over-the-top amount of affection, flattery, gifts, and praise early in the relationship in order to win over your attention for the purpose of being able to control you.
This phase is called Hoovering, when they suck you back into the relationship, they throw you back to the love-bombing phase, showering you with their love, promising that they will change and never ever leave you.
What is love bombing? It can include excessive attention, admiration, and affection; making the person dependent on the euphoric dopamine and endorphin boost they experience when it's being done.
No matter how much you compliment them, it never seems like it's enough. They keep coming back for more, and it's leaving you somewhat burnt out on the relationship, and even resentful. Love bombers often want continuous reassurance of their worth and greatness. Deep down, they feel incredibly insecure and fragile.
Ask the bomber to respect your boundaries
So you need to make your boundaries clear with a love bomber — I care for you, but we are moving too fast. And do NOT keep repeating your boundaries. A respectful partner will hear you the first time. A love bomber disrespects everyone's timetable except their own.