However, someone who is emotionally unavailable may: seem standoffish in general. find it challenging to talk about their feelings. avoid certain topics or situations that involve emotional expressions.
What Causes Emotional Unavailability? While there is no one explanation for emotional unavailability, it can be caused by a number (or combination) of factors. These include attachment styles developed in childhood, history in relationships, trauma, mental health conditions, and one's circumstances and priorities.
One of the most common signs that someone is emotionally unavailable is that they don't reveal or show their actual feelings around you. And while you may encourage them to open up and be able to express their emotions, they never let their guard down around you to say what's really on their mind.
What is it? Emotional detachment is a psychological condition in which a person is not able to fully engage with their feelings or the feelings of others. It can be ongoing, as it is in people with attachment disorders, or it can be a temporary response to an extreme situation.
Relationships lose emotional intimacy for simple reasons like busy schedules or difficulty finding quality time together. Or there can be more emotionally-nuanced and complex reasons, from a lack of emotional safety, fear of vulnerability, or underlying tensions in the relationship.
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.
If your partner is emotionally unavailable, you likely experience feelings of frustration, sadness, and even resentment. You might also feel lonely, even if they're physically right next to you. While ignoring the situation might seem easiest…that's not exactly a solution.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
For some people, shutting down emotionally is a response to feeling overstimulated. It doesn't have anything to do with you or how they feel about you. If your husband or partner shuts down when you cry, for example, it may be because they don't know the best way to handle that display of emotions.
Waiting Can Make You Unavailable to Others
It's also important to consider that waiting for your partner could prevent you from pursuing other people. If they're emotionally unavailable, they may not be able to provide you with the commitment and support you're seeking.
Friendship.
Even close friendship can be difficult because, at a certain level, friendship requires vulnerability. Emotionally unavailable people find banter, or their shared history with someone, easier to cope with so they'll often keep a friendship at a slight distance.
What does it mean to stonewall someone? In simple terms, stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down in a conversation or is refusing to communicate with another person.
He might not be touchy-feely; emotionally unavailable men aren't big fans of PDA, and that probably won't change right away when he falls in love. Still, he'll initiate physical closeness to show you that he has feelings for you.
Research has demonstrated that we are often attracted to partners who seem familiar to us and have similar qualities to our parents. One of the reasons people are drawn to emotionally unavailable partners is due to the role models they had for romantic relationships in childhood.
Lack of emotional intimacy can not only lead one or both partners to hide their emotions, but can also make it a struggle for you to involve your partner in your life. This could mean not spending time with each other, not talking much to each other or even not keeping up with each other's lives.
One clear sign a man is emotionally connected to you is when he truly cares for you. When you reciprocate his feelings, there is a better chance of him getting emotionally attached. He also tries to show his romantic side in his way. He might do it by talking to you for hours or taking long walks with you.
Signs of emotional unavailability include fear of intimacy, trouble expressing emotions, and commitment anxiety. “It's not something you can fix for them, nor is it something they can quickly and easily change about themselves for you,” Jernigan says.
Someone with hidden feelings might act hot and cold with you. One minute, they might want to stay up all night texting you, and the next, they don't seem to want to hang out at all. If someone's not sure whether you have feelings for them, they might distance themselves to avoid getting hurt.