Signs you might have a toxic parent include: They're self-centered. They don't think about your needs or feelings. They're emotional loose cannons.
Toxic parents tend to be self-centered, putting their own needs before their children's. Such parents are self-absorbed, emotionally unavailable, and do not have empathy for others.
A toxic parent, says Dr. Childs, is a parent that puts their needs before their child. “They're more self-centered than other-centered,” she adds. Coupling these with other traits can give you a good idea of whether or not your parent or parents are toxic.
There are different types of parents and parenting styles, and most want the best for their kids. But some go over the boundaries and become toxic parents. Worse, they don't even know they're being toxic, maybe because their parents brought them up the same way.
Effects of Toxic Parents
Toxic parents can have negative effects on children throughout their lifespan, including mental health disorders, depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol use, etc. Young children often show signs early on that their relationship with their parents is affecting their mental and physical health.
Toxic parenting, however, involves parents who carry a promise of love and care, but at the same time, mistreat their children. This can lead to humiliation, ill-will, traumatic events, and abusive behaviour towards children. This affects the mental and emotional health of a child.
Just over 22 per cent of the mothers and 14 per cent of the fathers were classified as toxic.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
According to experts, a major key to distinguishing the two is looking at how long the strife lasts. If things are nasty between you in many different areas of the relationship for years at a time, the relationship itself might be toxic. But if there's only one, sudden issue, that's probably more benign.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Here are some common signs of toxic behavior from a family member: Their perception of you doesn't jibe with the way you see yourself. They accuse you of things that you feel aren't true. They make you feel like you're never enough or bad about yourself, or otherwise emotionally destabilized.
The result of toxic parents
“However, it's totally healthy and appropriate for individuals to set boundaries with family members.” Sometimes, limiting or eliminating contact with a parent is much less damaging than having them in your life.
Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include: Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.
Common signs of a toxic mother include ignoring boundaries, controlling behavior, and abuse in severe cases. Toxic mothers cannot recognize the impacts of their behavior, and children grow up feeling unloved, overlooked, or disrespected.
The mother wound is the cultural trauma that is carried by a mother – along with any dysfunctional coping mechanisms that have been used to process that pain – and inherited by her children (with daughters generally bearing the brunt of this burden).
Lack of good maternal roles or healthy relationships with their own mothers can cause some women to become toxic mothers. A woman who has childish tendencies may exhibit toxic behaviors such as being possessive or controlling.
“You're a bad mom”
Kids are often quick to say this phrase when they don't agree with a decision a parent made or when they're not allowed to do something that everyone else their age is doing.
Impacts on Adult Daughters
If you're the daughter of a toxic mother, it's likely that you grew up feeling unsupported, unloved, and unworthy. This deep sense of inadequacy can lead to a number of problems in adulthood, including codependency, low self-esteem, and difficulty setting boundaries.
Toxic parents are critical and want to be in control. They easily manipulate your choices and can hold you back from who you truly want to be. Succeeding in letting go of your toxic parents can be difficult. After all, they're still your parents.
A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
Feelings of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, maintaining close relationships, or feeling worn out after a visit with your family are all signs you grew up in a toxic family.
Can Children Get PTSD from Their Parents? Although not common, it is possible for children to show signs of PTSD because they are upset by their parent's symptoms. Trauma symptoms can also be passed from parent to child or between generations.