A toxic person is someone who regularly displays actions and behaviors that hurt others or otherwise negatively impact the lives of the people around them, and they're usually the main instigating factor of a toxic relationship.
You may have toxic traits that you don't know about. Some toxic traits, like absolutism, manifest subtly. You may not realize you see things as good or bad unless you experience something that forces you to reflect on your mindset.
Toxic people love to manipulate those around them to get what they want. This means lying, bending the truth, exaggerating, or leaving out information so that you take a certain action or have a certain opinion of them. They'll do whatever it takes, even if it means hurting people.
What causes people to become toxic? We're fundamentally copycats—we learn behaviors by modeling others, and sometimes we have the wrong role models. At other times, we run into a bad spate in life, get jaded, and see the world through a pessimistic lens. And so our toxic behaviors grow.
Alas, things are not as simple. In fact, an examination of academic research into counterproductive and toxic personalities indicates that while self-awareness may be lacking, it is far from enough to explain the toxicity of such personalities.
Toxic people can change, but it's highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else's fault.
Drop the Judgments Once You Let Them Go
You might feel extraordinarily relieved once you let go of people who dragged you down. You might also feel insecure because of long-term dependencies on them. Let go of all mental play. Indulging in them depletes your energy and time.
Toxic traits can be defined as any persistent pattern of behavior that is undermining or harmful to others, according to psychologist and toxic family expert Sherrie Campbell, Ph. D. As she tells mindbodygreen, this can be anything from manipulation to selfishness to generally lacking empathy.
Overthinking strikes all of us at some point, but if it goes unchecked and unresolved, overthinking can certainly morph healthy relationships into toxic relationships. If you fall victim to your thoughts and allow them to go too far, they can end up driving a wedge of distrust between you and other people in your life.
On the other hand, some people with toxic traits may behave poorly because of past trauma, a dysfunctional family life, or substance use. A person's inability to process stress and grief can sometimes transform into toxicity towards others.
People often engage in toxic behaviors when they are coping with some underlying problem, such as a history of trauma, unhealthy familial relationships, or addiction. Working with a therapist can help you understand what might be at the heart of your unhealthy relationship behaviors.
Real love cannot happen in a toxic relationship.
Two people have to merge their lives and validate each other's decisions. As I'm sure you know, getting two people to agree on something can be incredibly difficult. When you're in a toxic relationship, realizing or accepting its toxicity isn't easy.
Toxic people are controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. A narcissist will use gaslighting to make you feel confused and insecure. They will use every opportunity to shame you and isolate you from other people. Also, a narcissist will always play a victim and make you feel guilty.
Recognizing a “toxic person” may be more about identifying how they make you feel rather than what they do or say. If you're interacting with a person with toxic behaviors, you may: feel confused and unsure of yourself. leave the interaction feeling drained, angry, or full of anxiety.
This doesn't mean you have to interact with them, but people aren't born “toxic” and generally get that way from observing such behavior in the home as a child or experiencing abuse.
They won't own their feelings.
Rather than owning their own feelings, they'll act as though the feelings are yours. It's called projection, as in projecting their feelings and thoughts onto you. For example, someone who is angry but won't take responsibility for it might accuse you of being angry with them.
Psychologists have identified several personality traits that are commonly associated with toxic individuals, including high levels of narcissism, antisocial behavior, and a lack of empathy.
Accept Responsibility For Your Actions & Be Accountable
After recognizing and acknowledging your toxic behavior, you need to accept and take responsibility for your actions. As humans, we're prone to making to excuses. We want to explain why we did something, especially when we've done something wrong.