Make up or distort facts about the other parent, especially relating to the divorce, and share inappropriately adult matters with the child; Use the child as a spy; Use the child as a messenger; Threaten self harm if the other parent or the child does not give into their demands.
Here are some things manipulative parents say to send a clear message that they are using silent treatment. “I don't want to talk to you right now.” “I don't have anything to say to you.” “I don't want to be near you.”
Parental manipulation may take the form of, for example: Bad-mouthing the other parent in front of the kids. Enlisting the children to send messages or requests to the other parent. Lying to the kids to make the other parent look bad.
Some studies have revealed that parental manipulation of children is present in 11 to 15 percent of divorces with children. Children who are victims of this conduct often suffer from depression, low self-esteem, and trust issues, all of which increase their chances of developing substance abuse problems.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
Examples of Gaslighting Parents
Here are a few examples of gaslighting behaviors. A parent might tell a child, “you're not hungry; you're tired” when he or she begs for a snack in the grocery store. Or, the parent might say, “you're being too sensitive” when a child complains that a sibling hurt his or her feelings.
Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
This begins between the ages of 3-6 years, and during this time, children learn how to get their needs met while considering what other people need as well. Although they are small, children find power in many ways.
1) She Criticizes Everything You Say or Do
Nothing you say or do is ever good enough for your mother. This is one of the vital signs of manipulative mother syndrome. Your toxic parent always makes unrealistic demands and has unrealistic expectations, making you continuously feel imperfect and flawed.
Common signs of you being manipulated by your parents
You are often led to doubt your own decisions. When things don't go according to your parents' wishes, repercussion or retaliation happens. You are made to feel guilty about your decisions. Your emotions and feelings keep being dismissed.
They are immature and selfish. They brag about your achievements to others, but rarely acknowledging you or support you emotionally. They will blame others for any problems that actually stem from their own behavior. They are well-liked and important to others, but controlling and harsh when no one is looking.
Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include: Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.
“You're a bad mom”
Kids are often quick to say this phrase when they don't agree with a decision a parent made or when they're not allowed to do something that everyone else their age is doing.
According to experts, a major key to distinguishing the two is looking at how long the strife lasts. If things are nasty between you in many different areas of the relationship for years at a time, the relationship itself might be toxic. But if there's only one, sudden issue, that's probably more benign.
Impacts on Adult Daughters
If you're the daughter of a toxic mother, it's likely that you grew up feeling unsupported, unloved, and unworthy. This deep sense of inadequacy can lead to a number of problems in adulthood, including codependency, low self-esteem, and difficulty setting boundaries.
“Programming” and “Brainwashing” are two terms used by Dr. Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin [1] to describe the methods and techniques used by alienating parents to manipulate their children into rejecting and/or hating the target parent.